Checking in

Well, it's a mixed bag today.

• I've decided I really need to focus on what's positive. So "no bad news" is what I'm keeping in mind.
  
• Having said that, can I just scream a string of curse words? Once again my mom isn't bathed, and once again, I'm trying to shore up the badly sinking ship that is their finances, and once again I come across 10s of thousands of dollars of "assistance" to a family member. It's really hard to keep caring sometimes!!!
• Had dinner/snack with my older son at 3:45 today. He's talking to me again. So relieved!
• The sun is shining.
• Did yoga with my boyfriend this morning.
• Feeling really ready to ditch the "no carb left behind" diet. But tonight is bday night at my 12-step group. Can someone say "corner piece with frosting?" Yeah baby!
  

Another happy day

This makes two days in a row. Ran 4. Groceries. Making turkey chili. Weather is cool and breezy. Life feels (and IS) good.

Happy day

• Temps are in the 80s!
• Walk/ran for 45 minutes, doing Thunder Hill 3 times (running the whole time, both up and down).
• Danced for 15 minutes.
• Training clients.
• Only taking on what is mine to take. (May not make sense on paper, but trust me, it's a good thing.)

Relief!

On Monday I could barely get out of bed. The too-muchness of life was just too much. Here are the circumstances that contributed to my demise:

1. Parents. Without going into detail, things are tough and getting tougher, both for my parents and for those who love them. Getting stuff done feels a bit like steering the Titanic -- it takes tons of effort to make even the slightest change.
2. Teenagers. In emotional bank account terms, teens make tons of withdrawals and very few deposits.
3. Husband. Tim got LASIK (mono vision) on Friday and results were below his expectations by a lot. Plus he had a reaction to the preservatives in the drops. So my normally on-an-even-keel-as-long-as-he-gets-enough-golf-and-a-few-other-things man was scared, irritable, and exhausted.
4. Family. A marriage is ending in our beloved extended family and I feel heartbroken for everyone involved.
5. Me. In the name of "being gentle" I ate all the chocolate raisins. And Twizzlers. And giant spoonfuls of frosting.

If I could do a Venn diagram of these elements, the intersection would be insanity and depression.

So what's changed? A few things:

1. Serotonin. I've been off and on zoloft for nearly 10 years, more on than off, and on Monday I increased my dosage (my doctor has given me permission to do this). Do I want to be the poster child for the anti-d companies? Heck no. But for me at this time, it's the right thing to do.

2. Thoughts. More positive thoughts. These started coming after the serotonin boost, so maybe this is 1b, and zoloft is 1a. Don't care though. I could tell that my "I can do some things" muscle was getting stronger. And my awareness of God (real God, not church God) increased.

3. Connection. Rather than holding people at arms-length, I started seeking them out. Even though I still felt bad. Even though "how are you?" felt like a threatening question. And guess what? Talking with friends helped.

4. Action. My parents situation feels truly overwhelming, but if I just take it one step at a time, and remember that I'm not alone (thank goodness for my brother, who visits them every other day and takes my dad to the store), it's not quite as bad. This week's action has included getting some bills onto auto-pay, deciding on an accountant to do the taxes, and closing some bank accounts. Is this everything? Not even close. But it's SOMETHING!

5. Movement. Literally moving my ass has helped. Did a Dailey Method class with a friend on Tuesday even though I didn't want to. Ran with friends yesterday because I'd said I would be there. And this morning I did pullups, pushups, kettlebell swings, and DANCED to Earth Wind & Fire, who I saw in concert last night.

6. Nourishment. I'm still indulging (and yeah my weight is up some) but I'm adding in healthy options. So this afternoon I had a green smoothie AND some vanilla wafers instead of, oh say vanilla wafers and frosting. :) If history repeats itself, more movement and more nourishment will work, given some time.

The 107 degree heat has broken today, and life in general feels so much better!

As we head into the weekend

Question: Anyone have ideas for what to do for my son's 17th birthday? He says he's good with us taking him and 2 friends out for sushi, but I want to do something more. And for my "I fly under the radar" kid, decorating his car it definitely OUT!

Thursday:
Ran 5 miles
Put some of my parent's bills on auto bank draft
Got a pedicure
Hair appt

Today:
Run 5 miles
Train clients :)
Take Tucker to airport (flying to LA to spend the weekend with my baby sis!)
Take care of Tim after LASIK surgery

Happy Friday!

Diet (?) and exercise

Yesterday I ate whatever the heck I wanted to. But I did exercise for 30 minutes. Here's what I did:

5 rounds of
5 pullups (TRX, using toes as support)
10 incline pushups
15 fast air squats
20 ball crunches

In between rounds I stretched. Then I set my iPod to repeat "Take Me To The Next Phase" by the Isley Brothers, and I danced. Practiced spotting. Played with movement. And ended with an all-out effort dance that looked ridiculous (trust me) but felt amazing in an "I'm so happy, but now that I can't breathe I need to take a little break" sort of way.

:)

Money transferred.
Bills paid.
Showers for both.
Laundry done.

It was a good day at my parent's house.

Just a little CSI trick

If you get some Vick's Vapor Rub and apply it repeatedly to your nostrils, you can barely smell anything. Learned this from CSI and other investigative crime dramas, and I'm sure glad to know it.

Update

Sunday: 9 mile hike
Monday: Dailey Method
Today: help parents, no workout

Feels a little like groundhog day. Almost 2 years ago I was shredding mail, trying to get bills up to date, and figuring out how to get my mom bathed. Today? Same exact stuff! The good news is that I am here to help. The bad news is that I find it super frustrating at times. Good thing we're not judged on our thoughts, right?

Oh, and I should mention that right now, healthy eating is kind of a thing of the past. As I saw in an Eat, Pray, Love promo, I'm on a no-carb-left-behind sort of diet. :)

Today's workout

Dailey Method class
4 mile run

Dance class do's

Here are some things you can do to retain my business.

Start on time.
Introduce yourself.
Even if you're tired, keep it to yourself.
Have a movement/dance oriented warmup (not 5 minutes of running).
Notice when students are lost.
Prepare so it doesn't seem like you're surprised that you have to teach some stuff.

I'm trying again on Monday.

Today's workout

P90X Upper +

Took a jazz class on Monday. Didn't like it, but I'll be going back. Details will follow.

Fully back!

Written 7/19
Today is the first full day I'm feeling back to normal and I'm so grateful! It's tough trying to do life on minimal energy and feel good, and makes me appreciate anyone who struggles with a chronic condition, yet manages somehow to smile.

Last night we had a house full of American and French teens, and it was a LOT of fun!

Written today
Life is flying by with two of my own kids, one French kid, and less than a month of summertime left. I've been limiting my computer time, which means there's more reading and cooking and connecting going on. But that makes it tough to blog consistently, you know? :)

If you've stopped by to visit, thank you! I plan to write consistently once our French student leaves on August 2nd. Until then, (insert French words for "be good!"). :)

Re-entering the land of the living?

Since Wednesday I've had no energy and felt nauseated almost 100% of the time. Last night we saw Ziggy Marley in concert, and thankfully I felt good for the whole concert. But then I slept almost 12 hours last night (WHAT? I NEVER sleep that long!) and I think after a nap today (I'm not kidding -- there's a nap in my future!) I may be back to normal.

Obviously when all you do is lay around, sit around, and sleep, there's not much to write about. :/

Today's stuff

Take dad grocery shopping.
Sprint workout.
Train client.
Ready house for Ben.
Fix dinner (one that can "hold" until he gets here).
Go get Ben.

Happy Wednesday!!!

Misc.

• Loving eating higher fat/lower carb. Waist down by 2 inches (!). Whole body is tighter.
• Our French foreign exchange student arrives tomorrow night. Looking forward to meeting Ben and having him here for 3 weeks. We've planned going to see Ziggy Marley in concert, rooting the Giants on when they take on the Dodgers, and heading up to Tahoe. The organization he's coming over with has organized field trips (to SF for example, which is a must for this area) and we can go on those too!
• Did Dailey Method today and Saturday. All's I got to say is OUCH!

life...

Still here. Quick observations:

• Both kids were gone for 4 days and it was so great being kid-free. A little too great. When they got back yesterday it was quite stressful and Tim and I had some tense icky discussions (not quite fights, but certainly not easy breezy harmony!).
• Still playing with this new way of eating and I'm officially in the low 130s as of today. This is a weight zone I haven't visited in a VERY long time! Eating between 1800 and 2000 calories per day most days, so not hungry much. Running less than ever, but still losing weight? I'll take it! I'd highly encourage checking this style of eating out. Let me know if you want recommendations of podcasts or books that can help.
• Tim and I have discovered Entourage on HBO and are enjoying it immensely!

Heading out for a 4 or 5 mile run before triple digit heat hits. Happy Sunday!

Primal eating...

...is working. Easy? Not exactly. But working? Yep. Weight is down by 2-1/2 pounds. Waist is smaller. And I'm feeling good.

Much of my computer time is spent learning more about low carb/high fat eating. As per Livestrong, yesterday 50% of my calories came from fat. That's crazy! I've never been a low-fat eating girl -- NEVER -- and for that I'm thankful. But it seems there's lots of evidence about high-fat diets helping with depression (!) and hormone balancing (!) and body composition (!).

So back to what I'm eating. I eat kinda strange stuff -- I'm the first to admit it. For example, I'm using Udo's Oil 3-6-9 blend as part of my diet. When I have it, though, I just have a tablespoon of it. By itself. Yeah, I'm weird like that. So anyway, here's what I ate yesterday:

Udo's oil
Beverly Int'l protein powder (low carb, tastes like cake batter!)

green smoothie (fruit, spinach, chard, lemon)
string cheese
tortilla chips

grilled chicken
1/2 avocado
strawberries

Starbuck's light bottled frappuccino
almonds
string cheese
Udo's oil

mahi mahi with butter and lemon and garlic
green beans with bacon and onion
Caesar salad
dark chocolate

protein powder

Livestrong says I ate 1910 calories and the proportions were

49% fat
23%protein
28% carbs

I also ran almost 5 miles.

Ok, time to go do P90X (workout of Tim's choice -- hope he doesn't choose Chest & Back -- he never chooses a lower-body workout, so I'm safe there!).

Needing to slow down

How is it that my kids are out of town, I don't work, and yet I never feel like I have enough time? I think I need to slow down. Way down.

Limiting time on the computer helps, especially now that I'm not trolling Facebook or playing games there. Where I get in trouble, though, is my incessant need for knowledge. It's one of those good/bad things. The good is that I'm curious. The bad is that I can be on the computer just trolling for information for ... well, this morning for an hour. Just looking at stuff that's interesting. I may need to see about a computer time limit -- just a thought.

So yeah, I'm kid-free still Saturday. Austin's at gymnastics camp. Tucker's with my sister and her fam in Santa Cruz. We're not doing anything exciting, but sure enjoying being the two of us. Last night we cooked dinner together, then went to a meeting, then did computer stuff at home, and while we were watching an episode of "United States of Tara" the power went out. And stayed out. So we went for a walk around 11:00. Really cool!

Today's schedule is as follows:

P90X with boyfriend :)
Hair appt in Auburn
Free afternoon
Dinner at The Chef's Table

Possibilities for free afternoon include:
shopping/browsing (Sur la Table, Lucy, Barnes & Noble)
gardening (need to pull out the veggies that aren't working)
watching SYTYCD (!)
reading (Hunger Games, Eat Fat Lose Fat)

Happy Thursday!

The Hunger Games

Started The Hunger Games last night. I think I'm gonna like it! What are YOU reading?