Hate love

What I hate (a partial list)

• triple-digit temperatures (110 is a teen goal weight, not a weather number)
• when parents fall
• the waiting game (the pull to sit and wait is so terribly strong. feels like i've perfected the art of intertia. shit.)

What I love (a partial list)

• kick-ass caregivers (there's an angel on this planet and she helps care for my parents)
• great doctors
• vacations (all 4 of us head to Chicago tomorrow)

My latest analogy is that working on behalf of my parents is like playing Whack-a-Mole, so just when you think you've got 'em all, another one pops up. I feel awful for my dad. He is the worst candidate for a fracture. Nobody likes pain, but when you're 83 and already weak and unsteady, adding pain and pain meds into the mix makes things even more difficult.

I talked to him today. He asked how I was. I said, "I've heard you're not doing so well." His answer "Well, I'm staying away from running and jumping today." I told him that was a good idea. He said what was sad was he can't run in that 5 mile race. I said it was sad that he wouldn't get a finishers medal. He said they promised him a special pin and that he can try again next time. I assured him I would help him to train for it as soon as he feels better.

Love my dad's sense of humor. Can I say again that I hate that he's in pain? Cuz I do.

The more I try to do for my parents, the worse my inertia gets. Because as I'm waiting for calls from the doctor and visiting nurses association and the care agency, the concern and fear get the best of me. Then add in the fucking heat, which makes me feel like a prisoner in my house, and I kind of end up in a tailspin.

What helps? Gratitude and exercise. I have much to be grateful for. And I'm gonna take my phone with me to field calls, and kick my own ass as I wait. This is the last thing on earth that I want to do (with the exception of going outside), but it is the best possible choice right now.