Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Brain dump

  1. We got new carpet today. I'm really happy with our choice and super excited for there to be no pee stains in our dining room or mystery stains (probably pee stains) in other parts of the house.
  2. A brand new year starts soon. This is a very good thing, I think.
  3. My friend's son (and Austin's gymnastics teammate) fractured his knee yesterday in practice. Last year in early February, Austin blew out his ankle in practice. I feel sick to my stomach every time I think of what Austin went through last year, and what Justin is facing this year.

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

The AEIOU (and sometimes Y) of something

I was taking my awful dog on his third walk yesterday, listening once again to Brene Brown. This is what I heard (heavily paraphrased, as I can't seem to find this online for verification, and my book is in the bedroom with my sleeping boyfriend, and my phone is in another room with my lovely dog): (yes my feelings about Buster change that much all the time)

A = have I been ABSTINENT today?
E = have I EXERCISED today?
I = have I done something for myself today?
O = have I done something for OTHERS today?
U = do I have UNEXPRESSED emotions I need to deal with?
Y = YAY for something I'm grateful for (poor sentence construction I'm not grateful for!)

 Isn't this a good daily checklist for a more whole-hearted experience of life?!?!

P.S. So now it's a few hours later, and I have the book in hand. This list is at the end of the chapter titled "Cultivating a Resilient Spirit: letting go of numbing and powerlessness." (Great title!) And this list is referred to as the vowel check. So now we all know. :)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Practicing shame resilience

I walked my dog while listening to "The Gifts of Imperfection" this morning, and the part I'm on is titled "cultivating self-compassion." Good stuff. After dog walking I went to Target to get:

1. Things Tucker needs for his Beauty and the Beast costume
2. Something for our family for Christmas (shhhh!)
3. Snacks and community service project stuff for Girls on the Run today

I got a phone call in the store, and decided to answer, although I didn't recognize the number.

The call was from the nurse who is going to evaluate my mom for PERS long-term care coverage. We had scheduled an appointment for this Thursday, and I needed to change the date and time. But since I couldn't find his number (although I thought I'd put it down somewhere), I had to call PERS directly yesterday to have them ask him to call me.

He started by identifying himself, and then said, "Yeah, PERS wants to know why I'm not in touch with my clients directly. They were surprised that you had to call them to get in touch with me, and must be thinking "what's going on with the nurses in California?"" I told him I'd misplaced his number, and then asked if we could change the date for the evaluation. He wanted to keep it on the same day, and I told him I needed to do the next week if possible. He said, "They really want to get this evaluation done soon, so I don't know that pushing it to next week is such a great idea."

So while we're having this conversation, my mood is plummeting, because all I can hear in my mind is, "You always screw things up. You ALWAYS screw things up!" And when he said rescheduling wasn't a good idea, I countered with "I think I'll just withdraw the claim if it's causing so many problems for everyone." (This was said seriously and with a ton of discouragement, not sarcastically. I don't get mad; I get sad.)

Then he backpedaled, becoming more open to options. I explained that my best times are morning and early afternoon, but my mom doesn't get up till noon or 1:00. I didn't add that I have clients 2 days a week (in the afternoons), Girls on the Run 2 days a week (also afternoons), and that WE'VE ALREADY DONE THIS EVALUATION, SO WHILE I GET THAT I HAVE TO DO IT, I DON'T REALLY WANT TO! So finding a time that I can get to Sacramento and have her evaluated is difficult logistically.

We agreed to next Thursday at 11:00. And said goodbye. That's when the shame started washing over me. I was in the middle of Target with nothing in my basket (but still with the list of what needed getting) and just wanting to cry. Leaving without shopping wasn't an option, so I started pushing the cart. I felt awful for putting Bill the nurse in a bad situation. And I know that my husband would never have lost the phone number. Now the very familiar refrain of "I try so hard, and it's still never good enough" started up. But then I started thinking about the "practicing self-compassion" stuff I'd heard this morning. I also thought about just doing "what's inside my hula hoop." And I considered asking the question, "What's the truth here?' Here's what I came up with:

1. It is perfectly reasonable to change an appointment.
2. Sometimes people misplace phone numbers.
3. Bill's job or how he's perceived is not my responsibility.

That is my experience with practicing shame resilience today.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Whole hearted

I've found a new love, and her name is Brene Brown. The author of "The Gifts of Imperfection" is an amazing writer and amazing person. So I kind of have an intellectual crush on her. This week I'm starting her year long e-course titled "Lessons in Ordinary Courage." Someday I'll see her speak, of this I'm sure.

So what's new? And what's the same?

(I was going to make a list, but there's really only one new thing, which doesn't make for a real list.)

I have a yoga practice. After years of being intrigued with yoga, I now have an actual practice, which means I actually DO yoga several times a week. I love having a yoga practice for several reasons. It grounds me and this means real life stuff that used to leave me stressed and crazed (for example, cooking Thanksgiving dinner) is easier to do. In fact, my mother-in-law complimented me on how calm I was while everyone was needing everything in the last half hour before dinner. I'm more flexible (duh) now that I'm practicing 4 to 5 times a week. And I'm more aware of the body-mind connection now. (Don't really know how to explain that, but it's true, and I want to keep writing while the words are flowing.)

Lots is the same, and in some ways that's fantastic. Same wonderful husband. Same fascinating, infuriating, love 'em with my whole heart kids. I still run, but don't really add up the miles. I'm active most days, but rather than keeping the info on Facebook, I keep it on iCal on my computer (and may start logging it in the sidebar here).

So back to living a whole-hearted life, that's what I'm aiming for. And it takes courage and doing things differently. So yesterday when I talked to my dad and my emotions were all over the place, I told Tim I needed to stay home and exercise, rather than go with him to pick up a purchase. Plus I actually told him about the conversation with my dad that left me feeling frightened and stressed.

That's it for now. Tim and I take a yoga class on Sunday mornings at 9:30 and it's time to get ready. Often the teacher asks us to set an intention for our practice. Mine, as usual, will be to live from my whole heart.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Quickest update ever

  • Toe is doing much better. Tomorrow I'm run/walking The Giant Race in San Francisco. Tim and I were doing the 10K, but are changing to the 5K (cuz of my toe) which is probably a better move.
  • Been eating more real food and less candy and processed stuff. Feeling good about diet changes. Now that I'm an official grown up (at 50!) I think I need to start eating a little more grown up, right? Right!
  • School starting, one kid a Senior, other kid auditioning for two theater productions, life -- I've not made time to write. And what I'm writing now sounds like drivel, but hey -- it's my drivel.
  • Google "Holstee Manifesto" if you want to see something really great. I bought the poster and use the thoughts when I meditate.
  • Speaking of meditation, most days I do 5 minutes. That's way more than zero minutes. :)
  • We'll be at the SF Giants game tonight in the special sold-out runners section. Go Giants!!!

Thursday, August 18, 2011


I didn't like seeing "fuck" at the top of the blog. The great news is that feelings and behaviors can change in an instant, and often, when behavior changes, feelings follow along.

Time to stop wallowing and start accepting. And no more junk food. Later I'll post Krista at Stumptuous's writing on giving up sugar. It's genius! But I need to be at a 4:30 appt. Au revior for now!


I don't like this. Having a broken toe sucks. Why? Because I'm a giant baby who has trouble accepting life on life's terms. I'm still working out. But eating? Yeah, eating anything I want (and I rarely want healthful stuff).  And although I know this doesn't do good things for me, emotionally or physically, right now I'm very unwilling to change it.

This is my 1,000th post. Wish it were a little more profound. Poop.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


Dr and x-ray confirmed: broken. Bummer. I was gonna up my running mileage to drop a few pounds before we head to the beach. Guess I'll have to eat sensibly now. :(

Seriously, as much as I hate physical limitations of any kind, I know what I need to do to get a workout even with a broken toe. So here's what I just did:

25 minutes continuous
30 sec work, 10 sec switch exercise
TRX pullups
Ugi woodchoppers
30 lb kettlebell swings

My own a$$ is toast. And my toe is just fine. :)

Monday, August 15, 2011

Boo-boo toe

I've had some strange accidents in my life. I gave myself whiplash in 1990 while dancing to Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted Snake." In 2002, I had Tucker and his friends in my car, and managed to rear end Tim's car (just Tim and Austin were in that car). Yeah, one accident. All of our cars and all our family members involved. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised that I broke my toe while doing laundry. But I did. And I'm not happy about it.

Well, the only part I'm happy about is that it makes me feel tough, because after I did it, I ran 5 miles. To be clear, I did not know that the toe was broken. I heard a crack when my toe connected with the bedframe as I turned to put some clothes on the dresser. And while it hurt, it didn't hurt like I thought it should have hurt if it were broken.

So yes, I, the girl who lives in the house of testosterone and amazing physical accomplishments, ran 5 miles with a broken toe. That feels satisfying somehow. But my toe still hurts. :(

Sunday, August 07, 2011

Mirror exercise

It's Sunday, August 7th, and it's day 3 of my streak. Darn it -- missing a day just messes everything up!

Thursday, August 04, 2011

The mirror exercise

My friend Donna does energy work. She works with people who have pain or sickness, physical or emotional, and helps to balance their energy so they can heal. You don't have to believe in what she does for it to work, which is great for me, as I've experienced lots of relief from depression because of her work. And yet I don't exactly understand how it works. But I don't have to.

One suggestion she made a long time ago was to do "the mirror exercise." Ok, I'm game. You look in a mirror and say, out loud, "(your name), I love and accept you just as you are, and (your name), God loves and accepts you just as you are." You say this three times while looking into your left eye, three times while looking into your right eye, and three times while looking into both eyes.

Simple, right?

I've made attempts to do this daily, the goal being 30 days in a row. My longest streak is 3 days.

Giving it a go once again, and today is day 3. Stay tuned to find out if, in a feat of superhuman endurance (the exercise takes all of 60 - 80 seconds, for goodness sakes!), Leslie can make it to FOUR DAYS in a row!

Tuesday, August 02, 2011


It's 5:25 and I've been up for an hour. I miss my blog. So I decided to write.
One thing I love about this blog is the history it represents. Nearly 1000 posts. Wow! I also love that it's not as public as Facebook. It seems self-serving to write in a blog to begin with (but therapeutic and fun as well, which is why I do it from time to time). But to announce that same information on Facebook doesn't work somehow.

So today. It's day 2 of a luxuriously slow week at the end of a summer that's been moving way too fast. Yesterday I did some amazing things like MADE SOUP FROM SCRATCH AND ENJOYED IT and CLEANED OUT PART OF THE FRIDGE. Oh and CALLED THE DENTIST AND SCHEDULED HAVING MY TOOTH FIXED. Yeah, I'm fun like that!

Part of my coping strategy for this summer has been a fair amount of emotional eating. I don't feel bad about this. It's a strategy that's worked. Now I want to go back to a healthier diet, so for this week I'm cutting out nothing (hooray!) but adding in health-supporting dishes. So daily it's 2 scrambled eggs at breakfast and a salad at lunch.

What's interesting about adding these choices in (and how difficult it is to do so) is that I love scrambled eggs and I love salad. Why the resistance? Because I've felt so behind in life -- like I can never quite catch up -- that I can't take the time to make either, nor can I take the time to clean up after myself. Self-worth may be a component of this. Yeah, I think I invented "let's make you a yummy lunch, but I'll make do with this protein bar." That's not something to feel proud of. (Incidentally I'm a decent enough writer to suspect the final "of" in that sentence is wrong, but not committed enough to find out for sure (where would I look?) or deal with it -- sigh.)

Perhaps a structure to what I write would work. A certain topic for Mondays, and for Tuesdays, and so on.

I like the sidebar lists I can create here. Entering fitness notes or what I made for dinner is a quiet way to be accountable. (Going to update some lists now.)

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Brain dump

  • Kind of obsessed with Portaldo on YouTube. I think his real name is Ido Portal and he does Capeoria (sp?) and Floreio movement. The video I'm including here is amazing. I'm working on some of his beginning movements and even those are beyond my grasp -- well, at least so far they are. 

  • Did a Bodyrock TV burpie workout a few weeks ago and strained something in my left ankle, In a "do as I say not as I do" way, I kept running. Now it's swollen and hurting. No bueno. But I did ice it today (that tells you that it's hurting REALLY badly!). :)
  • Girls on the Run is a fantastic program.
  • Been an emotionally difficult week. One good friend having big troubles. Another REALLY good friend having big troubles. Parents still on the downhill slide. But trying to see it all as being in divine order. When I can remember that God knows and cares, it's all a lot more manageable.
  • Heading to my parents to take my mom to the eye doctor. Will she be showered? Will she leave the house? Stay tuned for answers to these and other fascinating questions!

Sunday, March 06, 2011

Seven for Sunday

  1. Figured out where I saw "Three for Thursday" -- it was on Family, Fitness, Food
  2. I would weigh a lot less if I didn't have teens. Why? Because "go to bed early, get up early" is my preferred schedule. And that's the opposite of what works for my kids. And my method of staying awake until they get home is known as Always Be Chewing (aka continuous eating). Might be time to find a new way...
  3. 7 things seems like a lot of things at the moment -- having a brain fade and don't really know what to write.
  4. Cooking ups and downs. Before the gym meet yesterday I made turkey burgers and an Asian coleslaw to take with us. Burgers were great as usual (recipe uses honey mustard pretzels and is very flavorful). Coleslaw was great right when made, but did not fare well in the car sans refrigeration. Oh well, at least I tried, right?
  5. We currently have no Girl Scout cookies in our house, which is a very good thing.
  6. I can't seem to shake the idea that Diet Pepsi is a healthy option. While I know it's full of chemicals and awfulness, my love for DP is obsessive and unrelenting. However, I'm adding way more good stuff into my diet and as of late have been known to eat an apple JUST BECAUSE (this is big stuff, people!). (The only apples I really really like are Cameos. They're juicy, flavorful, and crisp.)
  7. Buster is still the best puppy in the whole entire world! Here is a video of his playful puppiness. 

Thursday, March 03, 2011

Three for Thursday

Saw a Three for Thursday post on another blog (but can't for the life of me remember which blog, or I'd give credit here!), and figured I'd follow suit. So, in no particular order, here's what's on my mind.
1. Buster (in a rare calm moment). He's a lot of fun, but the whole puppy teeth thing is tough. So is the "the world is my toilet" attitude. :) Actually, he's doing well on that front -- it's us, the humans, who need a little training I think.

2. Running. Ran 7 today and it was tough. 6 the other day was easy. It is what it is, right?

3. Dishwasher. It's been broken for more than a week now, and our 3rd service call is tomorrow. I actually like being at home until I'm told I have to be at home. Then I don't like it at all. I think therapists call that oppositional defiant disorder. Or maybe it's just preschooler behavior.

Tuesday, March 01, 2011

Anti-aging lotions and potions

I am the perfect candidate (read "sucker") to believe anything that's written about anti-aging. Most days I like what I see in the mirror, but when I'm tired or depressed, it looks to me like my face is barely hanging onto my skull and it could slip off at any moment. This makes me vulnerable to the hype that surrounds many products, including:

  • reduces fine lines
  • tightens skin
  • evens skin tone
  • makes you look 10 years younger

All I've ever wanted (well, not ALL, but for now it feels that way) is to know what works at the cosmetic counter. They sell hundreds of tightening, firming, lifting magic creams, and can they all work? I don't think so. So if I just knew which one, I would buy a truckload of it and use it forever. (Years ago Joan Rivers joked that she was just going to buy all the Twinkies and slather the white stuff in the middle all over her face, cuz those things never go bad!)

Last month I decided to try to high-end face cream stuff. And I have to say that I think it's working. I went with a Perricone set I found on, and then added some eye cream. I liked the skincare stuff immediately and think my skin looks more evenly toned and younger. The eye cream I had to figure out, as the first one I got (Cold Plasma) smelled like fish. The reviews were mixed: some people said the smell went away, and others said they couldn't get past it. I was in the latter group, and exchanged the miracle eye cream that smelled nasty for some not-quite-as-miraculous eye cream that smells nice.

The danger of going to the Perricone site is that I want EVERYTHING! And I have to remember that what I'm doing now is working, so maybe if it ain't broke, don't fix it. And (truth be told) this is the first time I've consistently washed my face both morning and night in my whole life. (I know -- take away my girl card now people!) Is that why my skin looks better? NO! I believe it's the miracle face cream!

Monday, February 28, 2011

Being 50... so much easier than TURNING 50. Milestone birthdays have a way of bringing out questions like "am I where I thought I would be?" which are kind of no-win queries, as (in a very Buddhist way) I am where I am and that's right where I'm supposed to be. Period.

So my age is 50, and I have to be mindful not to use that as a weapon ("Of course you aren't running fast, cuz you're FIFTY!") or an excuse ("I don't have to push hard, because after all, I'm FIFTY!") Neither of those attitudes really work for me. What works is seeing movement as play and listening to my body.

I did cartwheels the other day. It was scary, cuz I didn't have a 20x20 open area to work in (don't ask me why I need that much room -- guess I didn't trust that I could stay on a straight line). But I did it and it was fun. I'm still convinced that when I'm upside down, I'm reverse aging.

Anyway, 50 is just a number, but if I ever want to feel really good about how I look, I'm just gonna tell people I'm 55 or 57. If you lie upwards about your age, people will always be (falsely) amazed, right? (No I wouldn't really do this, but it's fun to consider!)

Hopelessly in love

This is Buster.

He is curious, energetic, lovable, and brings a delightful energy to our home.

We have an area of the back yard fenced off where he can do his business, and in that area I have a decorative wood pig. I think it's his favorite dog toy.

We are hopelessly in love with our little boy!

Friday, February 25, 2011


Still doing handstand practice. I think it may morph into cartwheel practice, cuz that sounds like more fun. :)

I love it all!

There are many people who specialize in certain types of training or equipment or methodology. I keep wondering what my specialty should be, but the truth is I LOVE IT ALL! Honestly I just love to move.

Temps have been low and it's been really rainy, so I haven't run. Yesterday I did 5 minutes of kettlebell swings. Not as much as I would have liked to do, but it was what was possible.

Today I did a Core Fusion DVD (barre-inspired workout) for 50 minutes. Then I did a 10 minute modified Bodyrock challenge. They wanted you to do 20 mountain climbers, then 20 v-ups, and alternate for 10 minutes. I added some kettlebell swings, so it looked like this:

20 36 pound kettlebell swings
20 mountain climbers
20 v-ups
20 mountain climbers
20 swings
20 mountain climbers, etc.

I've never loved mountain climbers as much as I did today!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Doing it different

Quickest note here. The pull to say "I have a puppy so I can't do anything" is strong. But I'm learning.

Today's missions:
Hair appt (2 hours)
Train 2 clients
Do paperwork for parents' income taxes

Take dad to grocery store
Make quilt square for group baby shower quilt

It doesn't look like much on paper. Maybe I'm just making it bigger in my head than it needs to be. Of course, what's not stated is these puppy jobs:

Take puppy outside
Watch puppy at every moment
Stop puppy from chewing on couch
Take puppy outside
Stop puppy from chewing on carpet
Stop puppy from chewing on chairs
Take puppy outside
Take puppy outside
Stop puppy from chewing on cabinets
Feed puppy
Take puppy outside

No wonder I'm tired!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Puppy love

We have a new puppy. His name is Buster Posey Gandy, after Buster Posey of SF Giants fame. He is a lot of work, but he's even a lot more fun!

What's tough about having a puppy is that my tendency is to let nearly anything get in the way of what's important to me. I get the basics done: laundry, kid transportation, dinners (mostly, although Tim was not a fan of our fishsticks and broccoli meal last night!), dishes. And I'm actually good about parent stuff and my own exercise. But studying for my re-cert exam? That goes to the wayside in a heartbeat. So having an 8 week old puppy in the house is a challenge. Or a learning opportunity. Or maybe both. :)

Just did the Bodyrock Quantum of Sweat workout. 16 minutes and I'm sweating, breathless, and quivering. Good stuff.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Having a plan

Does everyone have a set plan of what they're going to do when they exercise? I don't. Rather, I have loosely defined targets I try to hit each week. I try to run about 20 miles and do 3 - 4 Dailey Method classes per week. Handstand practice is nearly daily, as is my 10 burpee thing.

So I'm thinking about getting more scheduled about my workouts. Tim does this. He'll put for each day the category of movement he's going to do (cardio, weights, yoga) and then decide on the amount of time and methodology on that day. It works for him.

Saturday, February 12, 2011


  • Went dancing last night at The Station where Groove Thang was playing 70s and 80s R&B and funk. Had a blast!!!
  • Just did 2 rounds of the Bodyrock 400 burpee workout. My arms are quivering from 200 pushups. I can't imagine doing two more rounds. So why am I thinking that I may do another round in a little while???
  • Just ate some salmon. But washed it down with Diet Mountain Dew so my body won't go into shock. :)
  • My husband is a very good dancer!
  • One week from today we get our new puppy. I've decided to just go with it and enjoy the puppiness and all that goes with it.

Friday, February 11, 2011

The rest of the story

Mongolian BBQ (lots of veggies)
Small egg roll
Hot & sour soup

Raisin Bran w/milk and sugar

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Bodyrock TV and what I eat

I love Bodyrock TV! Workouts are tough but accessible. Zuzana and Freddy seem like really nice people and I have tremendous respect for how she's changed her life.

Today they posted a diet challenge. The challenge is to eat more superfoods. I kind of have an issue with labeling something as a superfood, but the truth is that my diet could use some cleaning up. I get away with a lot of indulgence because I'm consistently active. But I feel better about myself when I'm a little leaner than I am now. (I am a medium sized person. 5'5" tall. 142 pounds.)

Ok, so here's what I've eaten today:

Diet Mountain Dew
small handful of raw almonds
1 Clif gel (100 calories)

Ran 4 miles.
Did 60 minute Dailey Method class.

piece of coffee cake from Barnes and Noble (calories listed as 450)

vegetarian burrito
fresh salsa
small green smoothie
Diet Mountain Dew

small piece of cheddar cheese
3 milk chocolate Milano cookies

I ate the orange because of the Bodyrock diet challenge. Otherwise I might have gone for some tortilla chips instead. :)

It's tiresome to log food to me. But a few days of tracking might be in order as I seek to truly nourish my body. And I've been struggling with more depression recently, which is a chicken and an egg scenario, as when I'm depressed I eat more sugary treats, which leads to lower moods, which leads to ... and so on. Accountability, whether publicly here or in the form of pen and paper, could really help. It certainly can't hurt, right?

Wednesday, February 09, 2011

Angels with skin

Social media in general and Facebook specifically are often looked down upon as venues that fragment and disconnect people, or take the place of true intimacy. But I have rarely felt as unalone (is that a word?) as I did with reading heartfelt comments from you all: high school friends, former neighbors, fitness friends. Thank you!

This morning I was particularly thankful to three angels with skin: my husband, and my girlfriends Donna and Laudon. I run with my friends on Wednesdays. We do everything we can to protect Wednesday at 8:00 for being together. It's wonderful. But after the day with my parents, and 3 hours at the orthopedic surgeon's office (with Austin) and just life, I felt like I couldn't run. So I texted my friends saying I wasn't coming. My husband who loves me enough to risk my anger, texted them to say I WOULD be showing up, and made it clear that I needed to go. Then I got a text from my girlfriends saying "Not leaving till you get here, or we will show up there. Pick your poison."

So I ran. And it's better. Not resolved. But better.

In an abrupt subject change, if you're looking for a tool to help with meditation or conscious breathing or just slowing down in general, Do As One is a wonderful site. I spent 10 minutes in the Full Spectrum Breathing Room after running. It was good.

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

On the verge

Trying something new here: writing when I'm in a bad place. What I want to do is to scream the f-word at the top of my lungs. Why? My parents.

First you need to know that I love my parents. A lot.

My dad has Alzheimer's, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, gout, depression, osteoporosis, and weighs (I almost put the actual number) a lot. He's 81. He's a LOVELY human being. And he cares for my mom, My mom is bi-polar (stuck in the down part of the cycle for about a decade now) and doesn't leave the house.

(I'm so tempted to just ditch this and not seems mean.) :(

So my dad does laundry and fixes meals and tells my mom when to get up. My mom goes from the bed to the table to her chair and back to bed. They watch tv. They nap a lot. And they are content. And they don't want anyone in their house except for me and my brother.

So I call him every morning to tell him to take his medicine, and every evening to tell him to take his medicine. And I go there once or twice a week to keep the meds up to date and to take him to the grocery store and pay bills (most are on auto-pay) and make sure all is well.

We're on the verge of this not working, though.

We've agreed that a weekly shower for my mom is a reasonable thing. And in the last 6 months, she's gotten clean about every 3 weeks. Yesterday was supposed to be shower day. But they weren't up for it. So now the clock is ticking.

My dad hasn't taken his meds in the last 4 nights, even though we've called him 3 of those 4 evenings to remind him. (We were at a movie and forgot one of the nights.)

They want to stay in their house. And they don't want any strangers involved. And this can't continue. And I just want to cry as I type this, out of frustration, anger, fear, and love.

When I write again, I'll probably write about handstands or about Girls on the Run or about the sunshine. At least that's what I hope I can write about. For today, though, this is what weighs heavy on my heart. Well, this and Austin's ankle. Heading to see an orthopedist in a few hours.

Monday, February 07, 2011


Ok, so I just realized I've kept a weblog since 2005. That's almost 6 years of writing!!! Over the last year my writing has been sporadic at best and filled with depression and frustration, which have been my two prevailing moods. Well, there's been a little bit of hope thrown in, but not much.

Well it's time to go back to what works. And if I've kept a blog since 2005, I'm thinking writing is something that works for me, right?

I'm spending the afternoon reviewing my parts for Girls on the Run and doing the Bodyrock "Get Up and Step Up" workout.


Living in California is a mixed bag, but all the bad seems a small price to pay for the SUNSHINE! In fact, think I'll turn on my Sunshine playlist, which includes these fabulous sunny tunes:

Nothing I Can Do, Ben Taylor
Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles
Miss Sun, Boz Scaggs
Mr. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra
Running On Sunshine, Jesus Jackson
Everybody Got Their Something, Nikka Costa
Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden
Island in the Sun, Weezer
Seven Days In Sunny June, Jamiroquai
You Are the Sunshine of My Life, Stevie Wonder
Brighter Than Sunshine, Aqualung

Make it a beautiful Monday, peoples!

Sunday, February 06, 2011

So sad

Austin competed in Pleasanton last weekend and took 4th place all around and 1st place in pommel horse. Wednesday night he had an accident at the gym and sprained his ankle. Badly. Like it's 4 days later and he can barely put weight on it. Gym meets? Out of the question for the near future. And I keep thinking "what if that panel mat hadn't been there?" and "why did this have to happen to him???" and stuff like that. Then I think about people who are having those same thoughts about a spinal cord injury or about accidents that people didn't survive. But my heart still hurts for my son. His dream is to do gymnastics in college and RIGHT NOW is when colleges are looking. And he sits with an ankle that doesn't work. If only I could give him one of mine...

Girls on the Run, puppies, and handstands and burpees

My friend Julia and I are coaching Girls on the Run and it starts tomorrow. I can't wait! We get to be with a group of 3rd to 5th grade girls for 12 weeks as we learn about respect for yourself and others, and train to run a 5K race!

Nerves are common when you're trying something new, right? I tend to see what could go wrong rather than what could go right and that tendency is something I've become aware of -- painfully aware of! For example, in 2 weeks we are getting a puppy. That should have an exclamation point, right? But boy can I tell you everything that's going to be tough about having a puppy. Mindfulness is what helps me to focus on the good stuff about puppies (they're fun, funny, warm, round, snugly, adorable) rather than the bad stuff (which I will not expand on here).

On a final unrelated note, I'm working (again) on handstands and burpees by doing 1 minute of handstands and 10 burpees per day. The handstands are practiced in my hallway, a la Nina Nina Nina's video: