The world was a better place...

...because Shadow was in it.

I called the vet and made an appointment for Shadow at 11:00. Told the kids. Tucker said his goodbyes and went to meet his friends. Austin didn't have to leave for work yet.

As it got closer to 11, Austin was still laying with Shadow, stroking her fur. I asked if I could take a few pictures, and he nodded.

He helped me get her into the car and I drove off. I cried on the way. Did the paperwork. Carried my dog into the room. Held her on my lap. Then Austin came in. His eyes were red. Together we stroked and scratched and loved on our dog. And we cried. Right before he left I told him he chose the harder, better road, and he will always feel a sense of peace that he could be there with her at the end. I feel that feeling of having done the right thing. But I miss my dog.

Life

Look like Shadow (13 yo dog) is going to die in the next few days. Her back legs have virtually stopped working and she's not eating.
Reagan (6 yo dog) was diagnosed with liver cancer this week.
My kids still have their "stuff" being teenagers.
My hamstring won't let me run.
No wonder "Calgon, take me away!" is what I hear over and over in my head.

The good news is that the sun is shining and life DOES go on.

Randomness

Dinner at Fins in Roseville last night. I'm eating whatever I want these days, which usually means mostly vegetarian with a bite or two of fish occasionally. Tim had halibut (yummy!) and I ordered all the sides, so my dinner was two bites of halibut, coleslaw, garlic mashed potatoes, and steamed vegetables -- delicious and CHEAP to order just the sides!

Something strange is going on behind my left knee. Tendons or ligaments are all tight and sore. Tried to run today -- intended to do 9 or 10 -- but ended up walk/running (mostly walking) 6 miles. Don't like body weirdness. :(

Kids have plans today (Austin's working, Tucker's going to see Wicked in SF with Tim's parents) and after Tim gets back from golfing we're taking a nap (not much sleep last night) and then heading to Auburn to hike the canyon -- FUN!!! I'm happy that springtime is finally here, at least for today!

I'm back at it on Lumosity, a brain training website. At almost 50, I can tell that my thinking just isn't as sharp as it used to be, and studies have proven that "use it or lose it" applies not only to the body but to the mind as well. So I'm playing "word bubbles" and "raindrops" and having a lot of fun with it.

Leg art

Courtney asked about my leg art. Back in the old days (2 years ago before my parents and teens started getting the best of me -- but that's another topic) I started drawing on myself before long-ish runs. My drawings were always the same -- a very simple swirling line/vine from my hip to my ankle with flowers scattered along the way.

What inspired me? The tattoo I'd love to get. What I'd love is colorful vines and flowers starting at my hip and ending at my ankle, running all down the side of my leg. Wouldn't that be GREAT as a runner?!?! So why don't I get it? Mainly because I'm not really a tattoo person. Well, in my heart I am, but on the outside I'm a somewhat conservative pushing-50 wife and mom. So I admire the heck out of other people's tattoos, but I just don't think it's for me.

So I draw on myself. I use a permanent Sharpie marker, which is probably filled with toxic chemicals, but oh well. I find that this works best if I don't use lotion before drawing. And it doesn't last much beyond the post-run shower, because the sweat from the long run seems to push the ink off.

Thanks for the writing inspiration, Courtney!

Comments

Irene -- the run was Folsom's Run with Nature. It was a lot of fun, and I found out I finished 13th in my age group (out of 75). Feeling pretty good about that! Official time was 54:55.

Diana -- I bought "Vehicle" and I love it! I've heard that song before, but had no idea that they were saying the word "vehicle"! Can't wait to get out and run to it.

Matt -- Great insights, and I do hope I can post a faster time next time (but just because I want to be faster!).

Katie -- THANKS! Today both of my sons are making me feel incredibly sad and like, "can't we just get through 10 minute at the dinner table without intense anger???" Nothing stays the same forever, though, right?

Blood, Sweat, and Tears

Today's race was run to "I Can't Quit Her" and "Spinning Wheel" by Blood, Sweat, and Tears. I was reminded of this band the other day when Tucker and I were lying on the floor of his room, looking at his Woodstock poster. I haven't listened to them since I was maybe 12 or 13 years old, but I sure remembered the words, and boy oh boy do I love the horns in their songs!

So yeah, I ran a 10K today. I didn't go all out, as I have a sore hamstring. But I finished and think the clock time was 54 minutes and I'm really happy with that.

Funny thing: (already posted on dailymile, but in case you're not logging miles there...) there ws a girl with wild Hawaiian print shorts who was ahead of me the entire race. Any time I got into her peripheral vision, she'd speed up. After the 6 mile mark I started going faster. As I came even with her, she shouted "Oh no you don't!" and sped up. I called "You're welcome!" after her. Then she must have slowed slightly because we crossed the finish line with her maybe half a step ahead of me. I was not racing her, but she was definitely racing me!

Merci!

Thank you to everyone who took any time at all to read what I wrote and especially to those who wrote comments. You warmed my heart, so again, merci!

I'm running a 10K in the morning. When I signed up I was thinking it would be a race with a goal time (maybe 51 - 52 minutes?) in mind, but alas, that is not to be. On Thursday I strained my left hamstring. Happened at mile 4 of 6, and I could feel it as I reached my leg out while semi-sprinting to "I Can't Quit Her" by Blood, Sweat, and Tears. When I got home I iced. Today I didn't run at all. And tomorrow I'm just going to cover the distance, enjoying the sunshine and the race environment.

So now it's almost 11:00 and I really want to go to bed, but my garage is filled with teenagers playing ping pong. They are really good kids and I think I could go to bed and all would be fine. But maybe I'll fold laundry for a half hour or so more, then see where things are. I definitely see a nap in my future. (Wow, I haven't even gone to bed and I'm already planning for a nap? That definitely makes me old!)

Enjoy the weekend!

Thought for a beautiful Friday

"Enjoying the Small Things" is an amazing blog written by a 30-something mom, writer and photographer. Today I found this on her "about this blog" page. If we could really TRULY internalize this, think how limitless our lives would be!

Life is hard. But it's also amazing, and I will rock the hell out of it.

I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit.
-Dawna Markova

Toe in the water

Yes, when life gets overwhelming I stop blogging. But I love to write, and it's it MOST important to do stuff you love when life is tough?

So will I blog regularly? I honestly don't know. But am I writing now? Yep. So what's going on now?

Well, I'm still running and doing yoga and staying active. Ran the Big Sur Marathon in April with a 4:29 time. It was a wonderful experience. Six days later I ran a half marathon here in town. Whew! And now I'm enjoying the freedom and playfulness that comes with no big race on my schedule. Although I am running a 10K this weekend, but that's about doing something fun, not about a target finishing time or anything.

Tim's in Florida on a golf trip and having a blast. :) I get to drive his fun car.

My kids are teenagers with their own lives. It's tough to see people you love trying to navigate life when life gets tough for them. The only thing that makes sense to me is to love them. Actually the only thing that makes sense in life is love, when you come right down to it.

Well, I'm about to wake up my not-very-happy son (I know this from his demeanor last night and from his Facebook post where he said he wanted to curl up in a little ball) then yoga DVD, then on to my parents house to take dad to the grocery store. One foot in front of the other, right?