If depression is anger turned inward, then I have much to be depressed about. To be fair, for a while mornings have been, if not good, at least better. Today was an awful one though. I'll try to be brief. And I may just delete this post entirely, cuz it sounds really bad. But it's the truth.
Son #1 locks outside door to bathroom while in shower, which leaves son #2 unable to brush teeth. I yell off and on for a very long time to get #1's attention, to no avail. #2 tries to retrieve pass key thingey from above the door, but it's stuck between the door trim and the wall. When #1 finally answers repeated yelling, I tell #2 that getting the key is a lost cause and he'll be in momentarily. #2 takes this as an attack on his capabilities, so now he's mad. #1 then yells that he's just trying to dry off and put on shorts, so now he's mad. And I'm there, mad as anything, but can't show it.
Drove #2 to school, apologizing and explaining that I wasn't doubting him. He said not a word. When I got back #1 apologized for shouting. And me? I took the chair that I threw (my only outlet at the time -- neither kid saw it happen or I would have heard about it) downstairs and demolished it with a hammer. (This sounds really bad as I type it, but the chair was falling apart anyway and I do feel a little better now. But not much.)
Is it any wonder that I want to run away?