I haven't written because I write from the heart, and what my heart has been feeling I've been unwilling to share. Let's just say that the rip tide pull of my old ways has had a fierce grip on me. Yesterday I talked to Tim about how I'd been feeling and that helped. And today is a new day!
As of today I'm enrolling myself into Mental Health Boot Camp. It's time to get some optimism and hope and sunshine back into my life. What's involved in boot camp? Well, that I'm really not sure of. But I'll be taking time to write down the actions I'm going to take every day (including wearing something other than an oversized black jacket and jeans, exercising, eating healthy foods, and calling a friend) and will have a written plan before I go to bed tonight.
And to focus on the positive, here are a few very good things happening in my life:
My dad is getting better and should be released from the care facility within the next week, and hopefully within the next few days. His mind is clear, his balance and strength are improving, and his arm is healing well.
After hours and hours of work, my parents house is starting to feel like a home. My brother and I have put our lives on hold and cleared out more than 40 years of accumulated stuff. It's been really really tough, and although we're not done yet, their house now has some life in it. As my mom doesn't really react to anything, she seems quite unaffected by the changes. But I feel like I can go there and breathe now, and I can't wait to see how my dad will react. (We've kept him apprised of what we've been doing, but hearing about it and seeing it are two very different things.)
I'm running my first ultra in 13 days. Have I been training for this? Ummmmm, I dunno. I've been running when I can (34 miles this week). But I'm signed up, and I'm just planning on going out there and seeing what I've got. I considered bailing out (which I can make a very legitimate case for, given my parents circumstances) but I think I'd feel sad and resentful if I did that. So I'll be running a 50K (that's 31 miles) on February 7th!
My NASM CEU's are completed! As is often the case, the anticipation was way worse than actually doing the work. So now I just need to renew my CPR certification, and I'll be NASM certified for another two years -- whew!
Tim and I are heading to Maui on February 11th!!! This trip has been planned for a long time, and it's just the two of us going away for 6 days. I can't wait to swim in the ocean, run in the heat, and see the whales! The timing of this seems about perfect and I really really really can't wait!