Checking in

Well, it's a mixed bag today.

• I've decided I really need to focus on what's positive. So "no bad news" is what I'm keeping in mind.
  
• Having said that, can I just scream a string of curse words? Once again my mom isn't bathed, and once again, I'm trying to shore up the badly sinking ship that is their finances, and once again I come across 10s of thousands of dollars of "assistance" to a family member. It's really hard to keep caring sometimes!!!
• Had dinner/snack with my older son at 3:45 today. He's talking to me again. So relieved!
• The sun is shining.
• Did yoga with my boyfriend this morning.
• Feeling really ready to ditch the "no carb left behind" diet. But tonight is bday night at my 12-step group. Can someone say "corner piece with frosting?" Yeah baby!
  

Another happy day

This makes two days in a row. Ran 4. Groceries. Making turkey chili. Weather is cool and breezy. Life feels (and IS) good.

Happy day

• Temps are in the 80s!
• Walk/ran for 45 minutes, doing Thunder Hill 3 times (running the whole time, both up and down).
• Danced for 15 minutes.
• Training clients.
• Only taking on what is mine to take. (May not make sense on paper, but trust me, it's a good thing.)

Relief!

On Monday I could barely get out of bed. The too-muchness of life was just too much. Here are the circumstances that contributed to my demise:

1. Parents. Without going into detail, things are tough and getting tougher, both for my parents and for those who love them. Getting stuff done feels a bit like steering the Titanic -- it takes tons of effort to make even the slightest change.
2. Teenagers. In emotional bank account terms, teens make tons of withdrawals and very few deposits.
3. Husband. Tim got LASIK (mono vision) on Friday and results were below his expectations by a lot. Plus he had a reaction to the preservatives in the drops. So my normally on-an-even-keel-as-long-as-he-gets-enough-golf-and-a-few-other-things man was scared, irritable, and exhausted.
4. Family. A marriage is ending in our beloved extended family and I feel heartbroken for everyone involved.
5. Me. In the name of "being gentle" I ate all the chocolate raisins. And Twizzlers. And giant spoonfuls of frosting.

If I could do a Venn diagram of these elements, the intersection would be insanity and depression.

So what's changed? A few things:

1. Serotonin. I've been off and on zoloft for nearly 10 years, more on than off, and on Monday I increased my dosage (my doctor has given me permission to do this). Do I want to be the poster child for the anti-d companies? Heck no. But for me at this time, it's the right thing to do.

2. Thoughts. More positive thoughts. These started coming after the serotonin boost, so maybe this is 1b, and zoloft is 1a. Don't care though. I could tell that my "I can do some things" muscle was getting stronger. And my awareness of God (real God, not church God) increased.

3. Connection. Rather than holding people at arms-length, I started seeking them out. Even though I still felt bad. Even though "how are you?" felt like a threatening question. And guess what? Talking with friends helped.

4. Action. My parents situation feels truly overwhelming, but if I just take it one step at a time, and remember that I'm not alone (thank goodness for my brother, who visits them every other day and takes my dad to the store), it's not quite as bad. This week's action has included getting some bills onto auto-pay, deciding on an accountant to do the taxes, and closing some bank accounts. Is this everything? Not even close. But it's SOMETHING!

5. Movement. Literally moving my ass has helped. Did a Dailey Method class with a friend on Tuesday even though I didn't want to. Ran with friends yesterday because I'd said I would be there. And this morning I did pullups, pushups, kettlebell swings, and DANCED to Earth Wind & Fire, who I saw in concert last night.

6. Nourishment. I'm still indulging (and yeah my weight is up some) but I'm adding in healthy options. So this afternoon I had a green smoothie AND some vanilla wafers instead of, oh say vanilla wafers and frosting. :) If history repeats itself, more movement and more nourishment will work, given some time.

The 107 degree heat has broken today, and life in general feels so much better!

As we head into the weekend

Question: Anyone have ideas for what to do for my son's 17th birthday? He says he's good with us taking him and 2 friends out for sushi, but I want to do something more. And for my "I fly under the radar" kid, decorating his car it definitely OUT!

Thursday:
Ran 5 miles
Put some of my parent's bills on auto bank draft
Got a pedicure
Hair appt

Today:
Run 5 miles
Train clients :)
Take Tucker to airport (flying to LA to spend the weekend with my baby sis!)
Take care of Tim after LASIK surgery

Happy Friday!

Diet (?) and exercise

Yesterday I ate whatever the heck I wanted to. But I did exercise for 30 minutes. Here's what I did:

5 rounds of
5 pullups (TRX, using toes as support)
10 incline pushups
15 fast air squats
20 ball crunches

In between rounds I stretched. Then I set my iPod to repeat "Take Me To The Next Phase" by the Isley Brothers, and I danced. Practiced spotting. Played with movement. And ended with an all-out effort dance that looked ridiculous (trust me) but felt amazing in an "I'm so happy, but now that I can't breathe I need to take a little break" sort of way.

:)

Money transferred.
Bills paid.
Showers for both.
Laundry done.

It was a good day at my parent's house.

Just a little CSI trick

If you get some Vick's Vapor Rub and apply it repeatedly to your nostrils, you can barely smell anything. Learned this from CSI and other investigative crime dramas, and I'm sure glad to know it.

Update

Sunday: 9 mile hike
Monday: Dailey Method
Today: help parents, no workout

Feels a little like groundhog day. Almost 2 years ago I was shredding mail, trying to get bills up to date, and figuring out how to get my mom bathed. Today? Same exact stuff! The good news is that I am here to help. The bad news is that I find it super frustrating at times. Good thing we're not judged on our thoughts, right?

Oh, and I should mention that right now, healthy eating is kind of a thing of the past. As I saw in an Eat, Pray, Love promo, I'm on a no-carb-left-behind sort of diet. :)

Today's workout

Dailey Method class
4 mile run

Dance class do's

Here are some things you can do to retain my business.

Start on time.
Introduce yourself.
Even if you're tired, keep it to yourself.
Have a movement/dance oriented warmup (not 5 minutes of running).
Notice when students are lost.
Prepare so it doesn't seem like you're surprised that you have to teach some stuff.

I'm trying again on Monday.

Today's workout

P90X Upper +

Took a jazz class on Monday. Didn't like it, but I'll be going back. Details will follow.