- Take recommended amount of anti-d (and consider switching meds as this one may not be working any more).
- Run.
- Dailey Method.
- Help a friend (doing a specific thing, not just a random "help a friend" task).
- Clean house (both literally and figuratively).
- Trust God!
Thursday, October 07, 2010
Today's plan
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
We interrupt our regularly scheduled programming...
...for a brief kick in the teeth. Back shortly!
Shoot, shoot, shoot! Saturday night there was an incident that took me back down and sucked the hope all gone. Well, the truth is that I let this happen, darn it, but circumstances can certainly make life feel difficult, can't they?
So that's what was up with the silence. Thanks for the marvelous comments. They made my heart happy!
Friday, October 01, 2010
I think I'm ready...
...for a change.
From depression to hope.
From hiding to (what's the opposite of hiding?).
From unfocused to focused.
From living small to living large.
Stay tuned...
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Learning
Went to bed sad.
Woke up sad.
Wanted to just go back to bed, but...
Met girlfriends to run.
Went to Dailey Method class.
Feel about 1000% better.
Lessons?
Feelings are not forever.
Endorphins are earned.
There is much to be grateful for.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Having teens makes me sad
It's midnight and I can't sleep. The sadness I feel from distant teenage sons is to blame. Someday I'm sure I'll look back and laugh. Right now it just hurts. :(
Friday, September 17, 2010
Elusive sleep
Sleep can be elusive. You'd think with how tired I feel and how active I am, it would be easy. Maybe it's changing hormones, a mind that doesn't want to stop thinking, or just it is how it is, right?
Running has felt fun again! Yesterday I ran 5 in the morning, then 5 more in the afternoon. The afternoon run was hot (90 degrees, I think) and draining, but in a very good way.
Still stretching. My gymnast son provides input from time to time, as he knows a lot about flexibility. Two nights ago I was stretching, and he decided he would stretch too. So while I'm working on getting my leg straight as I bend over it, he's in oversplits! I told him I felt dispired, which is when you're discouraged AND inspired at the same time. :)
So anyway, the next night (last night) I was stretching again and I showed him where I am in right leg splits. He of teenage sarcasm and irritation, said with genuine surprise "That's really good, Mom!" I'm nowhere near all the way down, but I'm getting closer, and it's progress, not perfection, right?
Monday, September 13, 2010
Big scary goal
I have a goal. It doesn't matter to anyone but me. But it's my goal and I'm setting my sights on it. Are you ready for it? Here it is:
I will have all 3 splits (right, left, center) down by my 50th birthday in January.
Did I really just say that? Yikes! It seems impossible when I think about it, but I'm gonna try. I do stretch every night in front of the TV for about 15 - 20 minutes. Sometimes we're watching a SF Giants game (go Giants!). Sometimes it's Sports Center. Sometimes it's one of our shows (Mad Men, The Closer (season finale tonight!)).
I'm not even close on any of the directions. But I'm gonna give it a shot.
I will have all 3 splits (right, left, center) down by my 50th birthday in January.
Did I really just say that? Yikes! It seems impossible when I think about it, but I'm gonna try. I do stretch every night in front of the TV for about 15 - 20 minutes. Sometimes we're watching a SF Giants game (go Giants!). Sometimes it's Sports Center. Sometimes it's one of our shows (Mad Men, The Closer (season finale tonight!)).
I'm not even close on any of the directions. But I'm gonna give it a shot.
Friday, September 10, 2010
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Dance-based workouts
I've been doing Dailey Method since March. Well that's not entirely accurate. I first tried DM in March right before running Big Sur. And I liked it, but not enough to do it more than once or twice a month.
I didn't like that it was taught at someone's house. Houses are fine. But I can't stand feeling like I'm in the way. And the room that comfortably held 6 people was regularly populated by 7 or 8 people, so guess who felt like she shouldn't be there? You're right -- ME!
The other thing I didn't like was that I'm not very flexible. And the workouts incorporate flexibility, not just as part of the cooldown, but throughout the class. And being with all the bendy young girls made me feel like the only man in class and that did not feel great.
In July DM opened at its real place of business. But I didn't start going regularly until last week. For the next month I'm taking 3 to 4 classes a week. Combined with consistent running and consistent healthy eating, this is my plan to shed the extra pounds I'm carrying.
So as a student of fitness I'm noticing that there are lots of DM-ish workout places opening up. All seem to be based on the Lotte Berke Method, which I first heard about maybe 25 years ago and could not WAIT to try it. (If dancers love it, count me in!) So this week I've checked out the websites for Fludity, Barre3 and Physique 57 and they all seem very similar to DM. All are based on Lotte Berke with some variations.
So that's all I've got to say about that. Have a great weekend, everyone!
I didn't like that it was taught at someone's house. Houses are fine. But I can't stand feeling like I'm in the way. And the room that comfortably held 6 people was regularly populated by 7 or 8 people, so guess who felt like she shouldn't be there? You're right -- ME!
The other thing I didn't like was that I'm not very flexible. And the workouts incorporate flexibility, not just as part of the cooldown, but throughout the class. And being with all the bendy young girls made me feel like the only man in class and that did not feel great.
In July DM opened at its real place of business. But I didn't start going regularly until last week. For the next month I'm taking 3 to 4 classes a week. Combined with consistent running and consistent healthy eating, this is my plan to shed the extra pounds I'm carrying.
So as a student of fitness I'm noticing that there are lots of DM-ish workout places opening up. All seem to be based on the Lotte Berke Method, which I first heard about maybe 25 years ago and could not WAIT to try it. (If dancers love it, count me in!) So this week I've checked out the websites for Fludity, Barre3 and Physique 57 and they all seem very similar to DM. All are based on Lotte Berke with some variations.
So that's all I've got to say about that. Have a great weekend, everyone!
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Great weekend!
We had so much fun in Southern CA. If we're friends on Facebook you've already seen some of the pictures and video. I'll try to post them here too, but am writing without them hoping to keep some of the writing momentum going. So do I think it's best to post photos and video and other fun stuff? Absolutely! But I'm not gonna let it stop me.
So highlights of the weekend:
Giants vs. Dodgers at Dodgers Stadium -- fantastic park, and although we got a LOT of flak for wearing our Giants garb, we ended the evening with some new friends, even though we have to agree to disagree as to which team is the better team.
Touring a house in Beverly Hills -- a 1930s mansion was open for viewing. They wanted a mere $5.9 million for it (!). It was fascinating and strange and lovely.
Lunch in Hollywood -- wonderful French restaurant on Sunset Blvd. I've never seen so many expensive rare cars in my life!
Playing on Venice Beach -- rings, ropes, bars -- all over the sand. Who could ask for anything more?!?!
UCLA -- what a beautiful campus.
Marina del Rey -- this is where we stayed. Beautiful city. So great to experience the coastal mornings after too many 100+ degree days here at home.
That's it for now. Starting a month of Dailey Method as of today. Starting good eating as of today, as I've moved from fluffy to fleshy and right into downright flabby, which feels very very icky. So it's time to take action, right? Right!
So highlights of the weekend:
Giants vs. Dodgers at Dodgers Stadium -- fantastic park, and although we got a LOT of flak for wearing our Giants garb, we ended the evening with some new friends, even though we have to agree to disagree as to which team is the better team.
Touring a house in Beverly Hills -- a 1930s mansion was open for viewing. They wanted a mere $5.9 million for it (!). It was fascinating and strange and lovely.
Lunch in Hollywood -- wonderful French restaurant on Sunset Blvd. I've never seen so many expensive rare cars in my life!
Playing on Venice Beach -- rings, ropes, bars -- all over the sand. Who could ask for anything more?!?!
UCLA -- what a beautiful campus.
Marina del Rey -- this is where we stayed. Beautiful city. So great to experience the coastal mornings after too many 100+ degree days here at home.
That's it for now. Starting a month of Dailey Method as of today. Starting good eating as of today, as I've moved from fluffy to fleshy and right into downright flabby, which feels very very icky. So it's time to take action, right? Right!
Friday, September 03, 2010
So much better
It's amazing how therapeutic movement can be! Ran 4 with my friends, then did another 3 listening to Cardio Coach. Btw, I LOVE Cardio Coach but I don't use it as often as I should. If you haven't tried it, change that!
Anyway, I'm ready for my clients. Spent a little time stretching and doing some TRX moves (their muscle-up prep exercise works EVERYTHING!). And now I feel happy about trip to So Cal. Moral of this story? Feelings change, and movement works!
Anyway, I'm ready for my clients. Spent a little time stretching and doing some TRX moves (their muscle-up prep exercise works EVERYTHING!). And now I feel happy about trip to So Cal. Moral of this story? Feelings change, and movement works!
My get up and go...
...must've got up and went.
Feeling sad and wanting to go back to bed, despite not getting up until 6:30. (Past two days I've gotten up at 4:30 and 4:00 cuz my head started thinking and I could not go back to sleep.) We fly to So Cal today and (sad but true) I'm not looking forward to a weekend away. It just feels exhausting. (Well, anything that's NOT sleeping feels exhausting right now.)
So what will I do? Yes, we're right back to "put one foot in front of the other." Meeting friends at 8:00 to run. Do I want to run? No. Will I? Yes. Training clients this afternoon. Then heading to the airport. And I'm trusting that feelings change, cuz they always do.
So with that, have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Feeling sad and wanting to go back to bed, despite not getting up until 6:30. (Past two days I've gotten up at 4:30 and 4:00 cuz my head started thinking and I could not go back to sleep.) We fly to So Cal today and (sad but true) I'm not looking forward to a weekend away. It just feels exhausting. (Well, anything that's NOT sleeping feels exhausting right now.)
So what will I do? Yes, we're right back to "put one foot in front of the other." Meeting friends at 8:00 to run. Do I want to run? No. Will I? Yes. Training clients this afternoon. Then heading to the airport. And I'm trusting that feelings change, cuz they always do.
So with that, have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Different kind of run
Went out to do 4 miles. Listened to a Motion Traxx (free on iTunes) podcast from 6/24/10, Run/Walk intervals with Jeff Galloway. Music was a little strange, but I'm sure I got a much better workout with the 1 min run intervals than I would have with a steady state run on my own.
Fun fact: I have a 4 mile loop where I run to Lake Tahoe (the Court, not the actual lake) and back. This makes me smile every time I do it.
Another smiley thing: I've been stretching nearly every day for the past couple of months. Nothing regimented, but usually about 10 to 15 minutes in front of the TV at night. Well today at Dailey Method, I was able to do the barre stretch with my hands on the bar! (Until today I've needed to use a strap.)
Not quite as fun: I've been eating a lot to counteract stress and I'm feeling really fleshy right now. So did everything jiggle as I ran my intervals? Yes it did. But do I care? Heck no, cuz I know why I'm out there. :)
Fun fact: I have a 4 mile loop where I run to Lake Tahoe (the Court, not the actual lake) and back. This makes me smile every time I do it.
Another smiley thing: I've been stretching nearly every day for the past couple of months. Nothing regimented, but usually about 10 to 15 minutes in front of the TV at night. Well today at Dailey Method, I was able to do the barre stretch with my hands on the bar! (Until today I've needed to use a strap.)
Not quite as fun: I've been eating a lot to counteract stress and I'm feeling really fleshy right now. So did everything jiggle as I ran my intervals? Yes it did. But do I care? Heck no, cuz I know why I'm out there. :)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Checking in
Well, it's a mixed bag today.
- I've decided I really need to focus on what's positive. So "no bad news" is what I'm keeping in mind.
- Having said that, can I just scream a string of curse words? Once again my mom isn't bathed, and once again, I'm trying to shore up the badly sinking ship that is their finances, and once again I come across 10s of thousands of dollars of "assistance" to a family member. It's really hard to keep caring sometimes!!!
- Had dinner/snack with my older son at 3:45 today. He's talking to me again. So relieved!
- The sun is shining.
- Did yoga with my boyfriend this morning.
- Feeling really ready to ditch the "no carb left behind" diet. But tonight is bday night at my 12-step group. Can someone say "corner piece with frosting?" Yeah baby!
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Another happy day
This makes two days in a row. Ran 4. Groceries. Making turkey chili. Weather is cool and breezy. Life feels (and IS) good.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Happy day
- Temps are in the 80s!
- Walk/ran for 45 minutes, doing Thunder Hill 3 times (running the whole time, both up and down).
- Danced for 15 minutes.
- Training clients.
- Only taking on what is mine to take. (May not make sense on paper, but trust me, it's a good thing.)
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Relief!
On Monday I could barely get out of bed. The too-muchness of life was just too much. Here are the circumstances that contributed to my demise:
1. Parents. Without going into detail, things are tough and getting tougher, both for my parents and for those who love them. Getting stuff done feels a bit like steering the Titanic -- it takes tons of effort to make even the slightest change.
2. Teenagers. In emotional bank account terms, teens make tons of withdrawals and very few deposits.
3. Husband. Tim got LASIK (mono vision) on Friday and results were below his expectations by a lot. Plus he had a reaction to the preservatives in the drops. So my normally on-an-even-keel-as-long-as-he-gets-enough-golf-and-a-few-other-things man was scared, irritable, and exhausted.
4. Family. A marriage is ending in our beloved extended family and I feel heartbroken for everyone involved.
5. Me. In the name of "being gentle" I ate all the chocolate raisins. And Twizzlers. And giant spoonfuls of frosting.
If I could do a Venn diagram of these elements, the intersection would be insanity and depression.
So what's changed? A few things:
1. Serotonin. I've been off and on zoloft for nearly 10 years, more on than off, and on Monday I increased my dosage (my doctor has given me permission to do this). Do I want to be the poster child for the anti-d companies? Heck no. But for me at this time, it's the right thing to do.
2. Thoughts. More positive thoughts. These started coming after the serotonin boost, so maybe this is 1b, and zoloft is 1a. Don't care though. I could tell that my "I can do some things" muscle was getting stronger. And my awareness of God (real God, not church God) increased.
3. Connection. Rather than holding people at arms-length, I started seeking them out. Even though I still felt bad. Even though "how are you?" felt like a threatening question. And guess what? Talking with friends helped.
4. Action. My parents situation feels truly overwhelming, but if I just take it one step at a time, and remember that I'm not alone (thank goodness for my brother, who visits them every other day and takes my dad to the store), it's not quite as bad. This week's action has included getting some bills onto auto-pay, deciding on an accountant to do the taxes, and closing some bank accounts. Is this everything? Not even close. But it's SOMETHING!
5. Movement. Literally moving my ass has helped. Did a Dailey Method class with a friend on Tuesday even though I didn't want to. Ran with friends yesterday because I'd said I would be there. And this morning I did pullups, pushups, kettlebell swings, and DANCED to Earth Wind & Fire, who I saw in concert last night.
6. Nourishment. I'm still indulging (and yeah my weight is up some) but I'm adding in healthy options. So this afternoon I had a green smoothie AND some vanilla wafers instead of, oh say vanilla wafers and frosting. :) If history repeats itself, more movement and more nourishment will work, given some time.
The 107 degree heat has broken today, and life in general feels so much better!
1. Parents. Without going into detail, things are tough and getting tougher, both for my parents and for those who love them. Getting stuff done feels a bit like steering the Titanic -- it takes tons of effort to make even the slightest change.
2. Teenagers. In emotional bank account terms, teens make tons of withdrawals and very few deposits.
3. Husband. Tim got LASIK (mono vision) on Friday and results were below his expectations by a lot. Plus he had a reaction to the preservatives in the drops. So my normally on-an-even-keel-as-long-as-he-gets-enough-golf-and-a-few-other-things man was scared, irritable, and exhausted.
4. Family. A marriage is ending in our beloved extended family and I feel heartbroken for everyone involved.
5. Me. In the name of "being gentle" I ate all the chocolate raisins. And Twizzlers. And giant spoonfuls of frosting.
If I could do a Venn diagram of these elements, the intersection would be insanity and depression.
So what's changed? A few things:
1. Serotonin. I've been off and on zoloft for nearly 10 years, more on than off, and on Monday I increased my dosage (my doctor has given me permission to do this). Do I want to be the poster child for the anti-d companies? Heck no. But for me at this time, it's the right thing to do.
2. Thoughts. More positive thoughts. These started coming after the serotonin boost, so maybe this is 1b, and zoloft is 1a. Don't care though. I could tell that my "I can do some things" muscle was getting stronger. And my awareness of God (real God, not church God) increased.
3. Connection. Rather than holding people at arms-length, I started seeking them out. Even though I still felt bad. Even though "how are you?" felt like a threatening question. And guess what? Talking with friends helped.
4. Action. My parents situation feels truly overwhelming, but if I just take it one step at a time, and remember that I'm not alone (thank goodness for my brother, who visits them every other day and takes my dad to the store), it's not quite as bad. This week's action has included getting some bills onto auto-pay, deciding on an accountant to do the taxes, and closing some bank accounts. Is this everything? Not even close. But it's SOMETHING!
5. Movement. Literally moving my ass has helped. Did a Dailey Method class with a friend on Tuesday even though I didn't want to. Ran with friends yesterday because I'd said I would be there. And this morning I did pullups, pushups, kettlebell swings, and DANCED to Earth Wind & Fire, who I saw in concert last night.
6. Nourishment. I'm still indulging (and yeah my weight is up some) but I'm adding in healthy options. So this afternoon I had a green smoothie AND some vanilla wafers instead of, oh say vanilla wafers and frosting. :) If history repeats itself, more movement and more nourishment will work, given some time.
The 107 degree heat has broken today, and life in general feels so much better!
Friday, August 20, 2010
As we head into the weekend
Question: Anyone have ideas for what to do for my son's 17th birthday? He says he's good with us taking him and 2 friends out for sushi, but I want to do something more. And for my "I fly under the radar" kid, decorating his car it definitely OUT!
Thursday:
Ran 5 miles
Put some of my parent's bills on auto bank draft
Got a pedicure
Hair appt
Today:
Run 5 miles
Train clients :)
Take Tucker to airport (flying to LA to spend the weekend with my baby sis!)
Take care of Tim after LASIK surgery
Happy Friday!
Thursday:
Ran 5 miles
Put some of my parent's bills on auto bank draft
Got a pedicure
Hair appt
Today:
Run 5 miles
Train clients :)
Take Tucker to airport (flying to LA to spend the weekend with my baby sis!)
Take care of Tim after LASIK surgery
Happy Friday!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Diet (?) and exercise
Yesterday I ate whatever the heck I wanted to. But I did exercise for 30 minutes. Here's what I did:
5 rounds of
5 pullups (TRX, using toes as support)
10 incline pushups
15 fast air squats
20 ball crunches
In between rounds I stretched. Then I set my iPod to repeat "Take Me To The Next Phase" by the Isley Brothers, and I danced. Practiced spotting. Played with movement. And ended with an all-out effort dance that looked ridiculous (trust me) but felt amazing in an "I'm so happy, but now that I can't breathe I need to take a little break" sort of way.
5 rounds of
5 pullups (TRX, using toes as support)
10 incline pushups
15 fast air squats
20 ball crunches
In between rounds I stretched. Then I set my iPod to repeat "Take Me To The Next Phase" by the Isley Brothers, and I danced. Practiced spotting. Played with movement. And ended with an all-out effort dance that looked ridiculous (trust me) but felt amazing in an "I'm so happy, but now that I can't breathe I need to take a little break" sort of way.
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