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• Balancing parent needs, family needs and marathon training is tough. One day at a time, right?
• Clothes are looser and scale number is lower these days. Once again, consistent exercise + moderate food intake = moving in the right direction. :)
• I have an iPhone app called Meditate that times your meditation practice. Used it yesterday. Liked it. Then looked at stats (it tracks them for you). According to the app, in the last 48 days, I have meditated for an average of 28 seconds per day. Laughed out loud when I saw this. Do you think that's enough meditation to see a significant difference in my life?!?!?!
• Still wanting to buy EVERYTHING Lululemon makes! Saw a woman at an ATM the other day and her butt looked fabulous. What was she wearing? Lulu, of course!
• Did a Pilates reformer intro class last night (included as part of my 30 days/$30 package at the yoga place). Liked it. Maybe after marathon I could do Pilates consistently. Maybe even as consistently as I meditate?!?! Do you think 28 seconds a day is enough to see visible results?!?!

Make today wonderful!

Be the change

Many of my conversations with people are punctuated with awkward silences. And what I've noticed is that most of the time, the silence is because they are distracted by a text message or document or, or, something else. It seems like divided attention is the name of the game these days and I'm getting really frustrated by it.

Last night our family had dinner at Fresh Choice. Towards the end of dinner I noticed that everyone at the table was on their cell phone except for me. (Tim has a pass on this -- he was checking weather conditions for getting to Tahoe today.) I wasn't frustrated as much as I was dismayed and feeling lonely.

So what to do? I think I'm just going to try to be mindful of my own actions, which means when I'm talking to you, that's what I'm doing. Period. I admit, this will be a discipline for me. I like talking in person, but not so much on the phone, so if I'm having a lengthy phone conversation, chances are I'm also checking email at the same time. And to live in congruency with what I want, that needs to stop.

Gotta run!

Random

• Getting old is difficult even when managed well. If you've not taken care of your health, it's nightmarish. My parents are in the nightmarish part. :(
• Running 7 today for a total of 40. I'm a runner again!
• Totally and completely addicted to Lululemon, and want to own every single thing they make. Alas, my timing is incredibly poor, as discretionary spending is needed to be limited (I know I'm not alone in this). But oh to dream... :)
• Weather forecast shows an entire week of rain here. Planning on lots of soups and lots of "I will not melt" thoughts as I head out running.
• LOVING LOVING LOVING yoga! Wish I could remember what yesterday's teacher said that was so meaningful to me. Something about how our practice on the mat is to equip us for life off the mat.
  
• Quote on the spine of the February 2010 Real Simple magazine (I just happened to see this): "A good cook is like a sorceress who dispenses happiness." Elsa Shiaparelli Isn't that great???
  

Yogalosophy

Just finished doing Yogalosophy by Mandy Ingber for the second time. I like it a lot, but read a review that blasted it for all sorts of reasons. So I guess it comes down to what you're looking for in a) yoga, and b) a DVD.

While I like the easy conversational style of the instructor, the review thought she babbled.
While I like that she doesn't take herself too seriously (her mantra? I have a great ass!), the review felt she dishonored the spirit of yoga.
While I liked the combination of toning (her word, not mine) and yoga poses, the review thought the DVD was wrong to call itself yoga.

So if you're a yoga purist, this is not the DVD for you. It's $30 plus shipping, so if you're not sure, maybe find some clips on YouTube so you can get a feel for it. But for me? A 30 minute DVD that makes me smile, helps me to stretch and strengthen my muscles seems like a perfect complement to marathon training.

Sometimes you have exactly what you need

Super quickly (which means some typos, I'm sure!) I had what I needed all along! I've had the February 2010 issue of Yoga Journal in my car for weeks now. Finally pulled it out today to read one of the articles I'd dog eared. Article is titled "Aim High" and it identifies four aims of life:

• Dharma (duty, work, responsibility, honesty)
• Artha (prosperity)
• Kama (pleasure)
• Moksha (freedom)

I think these may encapsulate what I'm looking to define for 2010. The article talks about how the goal is to be in balance between these areas, as too much of any is not a good thing (think pleasure and freedom as the only things you're going for -- your marriage and your bank account might suffer). While the words aren't perfect, the idea of balancing areas that might seem like contradictions is one I can really get behind!

Getting ready for my client. More as it becomes clearer... :)

Words for 2010

Still working on 3 words to encapsulate my vision of 2010. (Ooooh -- that sounded almost smart, didn't it?!) :) I've got a piece of paper with 3 word clouds on it. Here's what I've got so far:

First group:
goals, target, commitment, driven, idealistic, future, strength

Second group:
honest, real, grounded, present, truth

Third group:
flexible, good-natured, go-with-the-flow, fluid

So the idea of group 1 is that I want to decide what I want to do, and then do it. Last year was spent in reactive mode, to the point where by the end of the year I was just waiting for someone ANYONE to need me. That doesn't work well.

Group 2 has to do with honest food (once again looking to step away from Clif Bars and protein powder as major food groups, and well as doing more cooking) as well as being honest in life. "Tell the truth early" is something that resonates with me, and I want to do more of that.

Group 3 has to do with balancing my commitments and desires (group 1) with the reality that my parents are having big challenges with big needs, and my "job" of wife and mom means I want/need to be available (just not to the degree I've been available in the past).

More as it becomes clearer...

Topics

I have all sorts of ideas to write about, but haven't taken the time to sit down and write. And right now? Well, it's time to get changed into VERY WARM clothes, take my kid to school, then run 12 miles. But here are some of the thoughts swirling in my head that I want to write about:

starting marathon training
physical universe doesn't lie: strong AND flexible?
yoga so far
limitations and how they free me

Have a wonderful day!

A much-appreciated reminder of who I am

Do you know Tracy Reifkind? If not, you really should. Her story is wonderful. The way she lives is inspiring. And she's the real deal -- she walks her talk, that's for sure.

So I've been away from reading blogs for quite a long time, but when I pulled up Tracy's blog on January 1st, I was delighted to see a picture of us, as well as a post she'd written about something I said the last time we were together. Her words are well worth reading (so go read them!) but what really struck me was seeing me as I ...

(sorry -- a little dog poop in the house interruption, which I've now taken care of)

...so where was I? Seeing me as I ... what? Was? Am? Both? Yeah, both. Last year I lost sight of who I am. By the end of 2009, it was impossible to believe that just one year earlier, I was a runner. A real runner who ran a marathon. But now? I'm an athlete. A runner. And the REAL me is back!

Great day!

• Kids back to school.
• Put away Christmas stuff.
• Ran 4.
• Ran errands (more than 4).
• Registered for marathon!
• Got tooth fixed!
• Did yoga class at new yoga place and discovered a new song (Rock on Hanuman, in case you wanted to know).
• Watched new fave TV show (Men of a Certain Age).

Goodnight. Sleep tight.

A New Way to Be

So a big part of why I stopped blogging was that my circumstances felt like they were in control of my life. And I couldn't write about ANYTHING if I didn't write about my troubles. And I didn't want my blog to be about my troubles. So I couldn't write. Right?

Maybe not.

I read this on MomLight. It's written by Christine Kane and it was EXACTLY what I needed to hear:

A disease of the creative temperament is a belief that we must be authentic at all costs. So we can’t answer a simple “How are you?” without delving into an in-depth scan of our emotional temperature.

Try this instead: When people ask you how you’re doing, just say, “I’m great!”

Really? Really?!?! This could be the key to freedom. Circumstances aren't changing, at least not right now. My kids are still teens and they are both dealing with some things that frighten and confuse me. My parents still have big scary health challenges. But my circumstances don't have to be the filter through which I see the world.

So how am I? I'm GREAT!

The opposite of love...

...isn't hate, it's indifference.

When my kids are grounded, it's a punishment for me too. This morning Austin, who is grounded, made himself French toast for breakfast and was eating it in the kitchen. I tried to talk to him, but the only responses I got were "oh". So I stopped trying. And there was painful (to me) silence as I worked and he ate.

This is exactly the kind of thing that can color my whole day, because somehow it goes from healthy thinking (my kid is unhappy that he's grounded, he's not a morning person, he's not very happy with me right now) to more global thinking (nobody wants to talk to me, nobody likes me, I have no value). The reason I'm writing it here is that getting it out of my head helps.

Thoughts from day 1

Since I'm a runner again (as of today) I downloaded some episodes of Phedepidations. In one episode, Steve says "We need to think of food as fuel rather than stuffing." I'll be thinking about that for a while. :)

Ran into Darla Benfield, my trainer from the Women's Tri-Fitness competition. I haven't seen her in 3 years. She still looks wonderful -- vibrant, happy, lovely. I told her she was the woman who convinced me that I didn't have to act and feel middle aged, even though I was in my mid 40s. I owe that woman a lot, and it was great to be able to tell her so!

Today's 7 mile run went well. I'm still recovering from a slight case of whiplash (no, it wasn't a car accident -- I may write a little about this later) so my upper back isn't all that happy. But keeping my pace moderate I was able to brave the wind and rain and get it done. Tomorrow I'm trying a Pilates class, and Sunday will be running long-ish (don't know what that means yet) with my girlfriends.

A brand new start!

(copied from my post on Facebook)

I started 2009 with high hopes and optimism, but let the circumstances of the year take me out at the knees over and over again. This year though the circumstances haven't changed, I RESOLVE TO DO LIFE DIFFERENTLY. Today's plan? Run 7. Write out goals. Write in weblog. Bring it on 2010 -- I'M READY!

Heading out on my first run of 2010. Am I feeling like running? Nope. But commitment requires action REGARDLESS of how you feel. And I'm committed to making this a wonderful year. So I'm off.