Thursday, May 18, 2006

Not so good

When I don't write here, it's usually one of two things: either I'm depressed and can't find a reason to write, or I'm so busy that I can't find the time. Well, the last few days it's been both.

It's 3 weeks since I exercised. I'm hoping my doctor gives me a green light tomorrow -- I've been SO good. And I've been eating clean, so I've dropped a few pounds in this time, which is surprising, because lack of exercise PLUS stress (remodel is almost over, but much of it happened last week and the week before) usually means MORE food for me. Anyway, I've done really good emotionally up until about yesterday. But now I'm not so good.

I feel like a failure -- like I can't get on top of my life. And evidence of my shorcomings is everywhere -- the boxes that hold the kitchen stuff that needs to be put away, the bills and budget that have to be done, the loose ends that seem to appear everywhere I look. And try as I might to rationalize this -- I'm still not back to full energy, I've been working on Art Docent stuff for the kids school this entire week, progress IS being made in unpacking -- the overwhelming feeling is one of failure.

I'm not writing this to complain, although it may sound like a complaint. It's just where I'm at. I work very hard to stay on top of life, with food in the fridge, bills paid, no huge piles of paperwork to deal with. Believe it or not, my "natural" state is one of chaos. I grew up as a huge slob and stayed that way until I got married. Then my lack of order caused conflict in my marriage, and I bought every book on organization there is, read and reread them, and have turned into someone who is not naturally organized, but has come to appreciate the peace and quiet that an organized home can bring. So living in chaos isn't working so well.

The other very real aspect of all of this is that I exercise to help manage depression. So 3 weeks of not exercising is kinda a big deal. I need to be grateful that the first 2-1/2 weeks went so well, and that I only have a little more time in recovery mode.


Eileen said...

It seems like different doctors say different things....someone else told me they were fine to work out (lower body weights and walking) within a couple of weeks, so a month to not do ANYTHING seems like a long time if you're feeling fine. If you're able to empty boxes, I think you can do some light exercise. But then again, if you can't exercise, you certainly can't empty boxes!

I totally relate to growing up as a slob, then reading every possible book on getting it together and forever struggling to avoid chaos. I definitely appreciate the peace that comes from having things in order, but I struggle with keeping things that way.

And since our entire house has been under repair/renovation since October, it's been a lot more chaos than I can stand. Only lately have things started to come together---and just a little bit, there is much to be done still as far as establishing order goes---but even that has helped. One issue we have had is that there truly was no place to PUT so many things...without cabinets, without entertainment centers, without bookcases...where do you put your stuff? It has stayed in boxes, which we've had to open periodically to get things, which only makes it all messier....

Anyway, sorry to be a blog hog, but the chaos should settle soon as you get back to a more normal activity level and the last of the remodeling dust is swept up.....

None said...

Leslie - I read your post earlier today but didn't have time to leave a comment until tonight.

This too shall pass, sweetie. You know it's just a temporary phase. I came home and felt pretty much the same way. Piles of clothes that need to be washed or taken to the drycleaner. No incentive to workout tonight. No energy.

Being overwhelmed sucks but you'll be back on track before you know it. I have faith in you!

oldLobo said...

I got through my medical recovery downtime last by doing something positive every day. In my case it was yoga or weights. I was only restricted from aerobic activity. So that made it easier.

Another good thing to do is review your training logs and come up with a plan for your comeback. Having a comeback goal picked out makes it go faster.

Or you could do what my dad does and ignore all inconvenient medical advice (just kidding).