When I don't write here, it's usually one of two things: either I'm depressed and can't find a reason to write, or I'm so busy that I can't find the time. Well, the last few days it's been both.
It's 3 weeks since I exercised. I'm hoping my doctor gives me a green light tomorrow -- I've been SO good. And I've been eating clean, so I've dropped a few pounds in this time, which is surprising, because lack of exercise PLUS stress (remodel is almost over, but much of it happened last week and the week before) usually means MORE food for me. Anyway, I've done really good emotionally up until about yesterday. But now I'm not so good.
I feel like a failure -- like I can't get on top of my life. And evidence of my shorcomings is everywhere -- the boxes that hold the kitchen stuff that needs to be put away, the bills and budget that have to be done, the loose ends that seem to appear everywhere I look. And try as I might to rationalize this -- I'm still not back to full energy, I've been working on Art Docent stuff for the kids school this entire week, progress IS being made in unpacking -- the overwhelming feeling is one of failure.
I'm not writing this to complain, although it may sound like a complaint. It's just where I'm at. I work very hard to stay on top of life, with food in the fridge, bills paid, no huge piles of paperwork to deal with. Believe it or not, my "natural" state is one of chaos. I grew up as a huge slob and stayed that way until I got married. Then my lack of order caused conflict in my marriage, and I bought every book on organization there is, read and reread them, and have turned into someone who is not naturally organized, but has come to appreciate the peace and quiet that an organized home can bring. So living in chaos isn't working so well.
The other very real aspect of all of this is that I exercise to help manage depression. So 3 weeks of not exercising is kinda a big deal. I need to be grateful that the first 2-1/2 weeks went so well, and that I only have a little more time in recovery mode.