Thursday, December 28, 2006

Long time!

This time of year is just so busy that although I've had many things to write about, there truly hasn't been any "spare" time (is there such a thing???).

One of my clients got me a massage gift certificate, and I just got back from an hour of heaven. It's hard to break away from my puritanical thinking -- hard work is the only thing that matters -- and just relax and BE, but when I do, it's always great.

Today's workout was a variant on the Crossfit workout of the day (found on crossfit.com):
5 rounds of

50 thrusters (with an 18 pound body bar)
1000 meter row

Good thing I did it before the massage. I loved the intensity, and I really loved it when I was done! Tim did the entire workout as prescribed, which means he did 90 pullups as just part of the workout. He's amazing, my husband!

Change of subject: I try not to write about my kids too much. I don't want them to feel their privacy is being invaded (although they don't read what I write, it could come back to haunt me and them!), and I just like keeping this fitness-ish in nature. But right now I'm feeling so sad about my older son. He's the one who hurt his wrist a couple of months ago. Today he told me he's not going back to gymnastics. He's competed since he was 7 years old, and has never experienced life without long hours in the gym. Well, he says he's really liking the ease his life has right now. Plus he thinks he's lost too much ground from having so much time away.

Ok, so our kids have never done gymnastics for us. We're not frustrated gymnasts or anything. But today I started crying as I thought of Austin not doing gymnastics anymore. Until the injury he thought he was going to take it through college (although we've always taken it a year at a time). And when I think back to watching him do pommel horse right before he got hurt, it kills me that I didn't have my video camera. It was just so beautiful -- the combination of grace and power -- and the smile on his face as he finished the routine -- well, I'm crying as I type this.

I believe all things happen for a reason -- I really do. And I believe that (as Charles Swindoll says) life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. But I'm sad for my son. And I miss the boy I knew. In the last two months, he's changed in ways that make him feel very distant. He's talking about focusing on scootering and trying to get a sponsor. His music is different. I knew my clean-cut gymnast son. I'm afraid I won't know this new boy/man who's emerging.

Wish I could wrap this up, but maybe this is just something that must unfold...

4 comments:

Brit-Man said...

Leslie, I'm sorry that you are feeling this way, and I can kind of understand how it must be, to see someone you care about change, and become a different person.

If there is one thing you must hold onto though, it's that he will probably stay the same inside.

Whatever plans he makes for his future, and however often they change, as long as he retains the human values you've helped him to learn, then he will still be the same person deep down.

You have proven on so many occasions that you are a wonderful parent, and indeed a wonderful person, and nothing can detract from what is so.

You will continue to do the right things for sure, and it's understandable you feel down, but you still are a very important part of your sons life, and it doesn't mean as he changes, he will end up practically not needing you.

You will always be a part of his life, and as long as he knows you'll always be there, and this doesn't change what you think or feel about him, that's the most important thing.

You have every right to be proud of how your children have turned out, you clearly are a fantastic part of the process, and I hope you don't ever see this, as a failing of yours, or your son dissapointing you.

I'm sure he'll never dissapoint you, or that you'll ever fail one of your children.

I am sure things will work out for you Leslie. He is a very, very lucky person, to have you as part of his life, and however he changes, I'm sure it will never affect his true inner self, the person you helped him to become, and I'm sure he'll make you proud of him soon enough, as he will be proud of you too.

So I'd say keep those tears for joy, because one day he'll make you one of the happiest and proudest Mothers around, no doubt.

I think time will prove to be a great comforter.

GOOD LUCK throughout 2007. I certainly will follow your journey with interest.

You are an inspiring person, and have been a great part of my year, and I'm always proud to give support to people like you who richly deserve it.

Best wishes Leslie, and take care. You've done yourself proud, and I'm so happy to see you getting what's yours in life :-) :-).

Matt

Jen said...

Wish I had some words of wisdom for you but not having kids...
But I will say kudos to you for giving him the opportunity to find his own interests in life. You're a great mom!

Colette said...

Wow, I can feel your pain and sense of loss. I've been there (still there in a way). I think this is the way it's supposed to be...we teach out kids to be their own person and grow in ways that make them strong and able to deal with life in the future when they leave the nest. When our kids feel safe to be themselves, then we are doing something right as parents. You'll just have to be patient and let him find out who he is as a person. He'll try out all kinds of different things and finally pick the one that matches him to a tee. Just be there for him and find ways to stay involved in his new changes. I listen to all kinds of music, watch all kinds of shows/movies just so I'm involved in my kids world (I don't like it all, but I have something in common with them because of it. Their friends always say thier parents don't do that, and they open up to me and truely like to hang out with me...I like that because I'm a part of my kids lives that way). It's hard to see them grow up and change, but it's a good thing too. Try to enjoy watching the different hats your boys try on, and be their to guid them.

Welcome to my world ;)

I'm here for you if you ever want to talk or to get some advice. Keep your chin up, Leslie. Your little boy is just growing up...I still cry when I look at Justin and realize that he will be leaving the nest way to soon!!!! I'm not ready for that one!! :(

Shelly Egan said...

The ups and downs of parenting and holding on sometimes through the ride, is more than I thought it was going to be - that is FOR SURE!

The one thing I know about Austin is, he is a chip off the ol' block. Which, includes a little bit of you and a little bit of Tim. With a combination like that my friend, there is no doubt in my mind that he is going to do something amazing with his life. No cliche, that is truly what I believe!

I cant wait to see what God has planned for him. : )