Being 50...

...is so much easier than TURNING 50. Milestone birthdays have a way of bringing out questions like "am I where I thought I would be?" which are kind of no-win queries, as (in a very Buddhist way) I am where I am and that's right where I'm supposed to be. Period.

So my age is 50, and I have to be mindful not to use that as a weapon ("Of course you aren't running fast, cuz you're FIFTY!") or an excuse ("I don't have to push hard, because after all, I'm FIFTY!") Neither of those attitudes really work for me. What works is seeing movement as play and listening to my body.

I did cartwheels the other day. It was scary, cuz I didn't have a 20x20 open area to work in (don't ask me why I need that much room -- guess I didn't trust that I could stay on a straight line). But I did it and it was fun. I'm still convinced that when I'm upside down, I'm reverse aging.

Anyway, 50 is just a number, but if I ever want to feel really good about how I look, I'm just gonna tell people I'm 55 or 57. If you lie upwards about your age, people will always be (falsely) amazed, right? (No I wouldn't really do this, but it's fun to consider!)

Hopelessly in love

This is Buster.

He is curious, energetic, lovable, and brings a delightful energy to our home.

We have an area of the back yard fenced off where he can do his business, and in that area I have a decorative wood pig. I think it's his favorite dog toy.

We are hopelessly in love with our little boy!

Handstands

Still doing handstand practice. I think it may morph into cartwheel practice, cuz that sounds like more fun. :)

I love it all!

There are many people who specialize in certain types of training or equipment or methodology. I keep wondering what my specialty should be, but the truth is I LOVE IT ALL! Honestly I just love to move.

Temps have been low and it's been really rainy, so I haven't run. Yesterday I did 5 minutes of kettlebell swings. Not as much as I would have liked to do, but it was what was possible.

Today I did a Core Fusion DVD (barre-inspired workout) for 50 minutes. Then I did a 10 minute modified Bodyrock challenge. They wanted you to do 20 mountain climbers, then 20 v-ups, and alternate for 10 minutes. I added some kettlebell swings, so it looked like this:

20 36 pound kettlebell swings
20 mountain climbers
20 v-ups
20 mountain climbers
20 swings
20 mountain climbers, etc.

I've never loved mountain climbers as much as I did today!

Doing it different

Quickest note here. The pull to say "I have a puppy so I can't do anything" is strong. But I'm learning.

Today's missions:
Hair appt (2 hours)
Train 2 clients
Do paperwork for parents' income taxes

Tomorrow:
Take dad to grocery store
Make quilt square for group baby shower quilt

It doesn't look like much on paper. Maybe I'm just making it bigger in my head than it needs to be. Of course, what's not stated is these puppy jobs:

Take puppy outside
Watch puppy at every moment
Stop puppy from chewing on couch
Take puppy outside
Stop puppy from chewing on carpet
Stop puppy from chewing on chairs
Take puppy outside
Take puppy outside
Stop puppy from chewing on cabinets
Feed puppy
Take puppy outside

No wonder I'm tired!

Puppy love

We have a new puppy. His name is Buster Posey Gandy, after Buster Posey of SF Giants fame. He is a lot of work, but he's even a lot more fun!

What's tough about having a puppy is that my tendency is to let nearly anything get in the way of what's important to me. I get the basics done: laundry, kid transportation, dinners (mostly, although Tim was not a fan of our fishsticks and broccoli meal last night!), dishes. And I'm actually good about parent stuff and my own exercise. But studying for my re-cert exam? That goes to the wayside in a heartbeat. So having an 8 week old puppy in the house is a challenge. Or a learning opportunity. Or maybe both. :)

Just did the Bodyrock Quantum of Sweat workout. 16 minutes and I'm sweating, breathless, and quivering. Good stuff.

Having a plan

Does everyone have a set plan of what they're going to do when they exercise? I don't. Rather, I have loosely defined targets I try to hit each week. I try to run about 20 miles and do 3 - 4 Dailey Method classes per week. Handstand practice is nearly daily, as is my 10 burpee thing.

So I'm thinking about getting more scheduled about my workouts. Tim does this. He'll put for each day the category of movement he's going to do (cardio, weights, yoga) and then decide on the amount of time and methodology on that day. It works for him.

Randomness

• Went dancing last night at The Station where Groove Thang was playing 70s and 80s R&B and funk. Had a blast!!!
• Just did 2 rounds of the Bodyrock 400 burpee workout. My arms are quivering from 200 pushups. I can't imagine doing two more rounds. So why am I thinking that I may do another round in a little while???
• Just ate some salmon. But washed it down with Diet Mountain Dew so my body won't go into shock. :)
• My husband is a very good dancer!
• One week from today we get our new puppy. I've decided to just go with it and enjoy the puppiness and all that goes with it.

The rest of the story

Dinner:
Mongolian BBQ (lots of veggies)
Small egg roll
Hot & sour soup

Snack:
apple
Raisin Bran w/milk and sugar

Bodyrock TV and what I eat

I love Bodyrock TV! Workouts are tough but accessible. Zuzana and Freddy seem like really nice people and I have tremendous respect for how she's changed her life.

Today they posted a diet challenge. The challenge is to eat more superfoods. I kind of have an issue with labeling something as a superfood, but the truth is that my diet could use some cleaning up. I get away with a lot of indulgence because I'm consistently active. But I feel better about myself when I'm a little leaner than I am now. (I am a medium sized person. 5'5" tall. 142 pounds.)

Ok, so here's what I've eaten today:

Breakfast:
Diet Mountain Dew
small handful of raw almonds
1 Clif gel (100 calories)

Ran 4 miles.
Did 60 minute Dailey Method class.

Snack:
piece of coffee cake from Barnes and Noble (calories listed as 450)

Lunch:
vegetarian burrito
fresh salsa
small green smoothie
Diet Mountain Dew

Snack:
small piece of cheddar cheese
3 milk chocolate Milano cookies
orange

I ate the orange because of the Bodyrock diet challenge. Otherwise I might have gone for some tortilla chips instead. :)

It's tiresome to log food to me. But a few days of tracking might be in order as I seek to truly nourish my body. And I've been struggling with more depression recently, which is a chicken and an egg scenario, as when I'm depressed I eat more sugary treats, which leads to lower moods, which leads to ... and so on. Accountability, whether publicly here or in the form of pen and paper, could really help. It certainly can't hurt, right?

Angels with skin

Social media in general and Facebook specifically are often looked down upon as venues that fragment and disconnect people, or take the place of true intimacy. But I have rarely felt as unalone (is that a word?) as I did with reading heartfelt comments from you all: high school friends, former neighbors, fitness friends. Thank you!

This morning I was particularly thankful to three angels with skin: my husband, and my girlfriends Donna and Laudon. I run with my friends on Wednesdays. We do everything we can to protect Wednesday at 8:00 for being together. It's wonderful. But after the day with my parents, and 3 hours at the orthopedic surgeon's office (with Austin) and just life, I felt like I couldn't run. So I texted my friends saying I wasn't coming. My husband who loves me enough to risk my anger, texted them to say I WOULD be showing up, and made it clear that I needed to go. Then I got a text from my girlfriends saying "Not leaving till you get here, or we will show up there. Pick your poison."

So I ran. And it's better. Not resolved. But better.

In an abrupt subject change, if you're looking for a tool to help with meditation or conscious breathing or just slowing down in general, Do As One is a wonderful site. I spent 10 minutes in the Full Spectrum Breathing Room after running. It was good.

On the verge

Trying something new here: writing when I'm in a bad place. What I want to do is to scream the f-word at the top of my lungs. Why? My parents.

First you need to know that I love my parents. A lot.

My dad has Alzheimer's, high blood pressure, type 2 diabetes, gout, depression, osteoporosis, and weighs (I almost put the actual number) a lot. He's 81. He's a LOVELY human being. And he cares for my mom, My mom is bi-polar (stuck in the down part of the cycle for about a decade now) and doesn't leave the house.

(I'm so tempted to just ditch this and not write...it seems mean.) :(

So my dad does laundry and fixes meals and tells my mom when to get up. My mom goes from the bed to the table to her chair and back to bed. They watch tv. They nap a lot. And they are content. And they don't want anyone in their house except for me and my brother.

So I call him every morning to tell him to take his medicine, and every evening to tell him to take his medicine. And I go there once or twice a week to keep the meds up to date and to take him to the grocery store and pay bills (most are on auto-pay) and make sure all is well.

We're on the verge of this not working, though.

We've agreed that a weekly shower for my mom is a reasonable thing. And in the last 6 months, she's gotten clean about every 3 weeks. Yesterday was supposed to be shower day. But they weren't up for it. So now the clock is ticking.

My dad hasn't taken his meds in the last 4 nights, even though we've called him 3 of those 4 evenings to remind him. (We were at a movie and forgot one of the nights.)

They want to stay in their house. And they don't want any strangers involved. And this can't continue. And I just want to cry as I type this, out of frustration, anger, fear, and love.

When I write again, I'll probably write about handstands or about Girls on the Run or about the sunshine. At least that's what I hope I can write about. For today, though, this is what weighs heavy on my heart. Well, this and Austin's ankle. Heading to see an orthopedist in a few hours.

I MISS BLOGGING!

Ok, so I just realized I've kept a weblog since 2005. That's almost 6 years of writing!!! Over the last year my writing has been sporadic at best and filled with depression and frustration, which have been my two prevailing moods. Well, there's been a little bit of hope thrown in, but not much.

Well it's time to go back to what works. And if I've kept a blog since 2005, I'm thinking writing is something that works for me, right?

I'm spending the afternoon reviewing my parts for Girls on the Run and doing the Bodyrock "Get Up and Step Up" workout.

Sunshine

Living in California is a mixed bag, but all the bad seems a small price to pay for the SUNSHINE! In fact, think I'll turn on my Sunshine playlist, which includes these fabulous sunny tunes:


Nothing I Can Do, Ben Taylor

Here Comes The Sun, The Beatles

Miss Sun, Boz Scaggs

Mr. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra

Running On Sunshine, Jesus Jackson

Everybody Got Their Something, Nikka Costa

Black Hole Sun, Soundgarden

Island in the Sun, Weezer

Seven Days In Sunny June, Jamiroquai

You Are the Sunshine of My Life, Stevie Wonder

Brighter Than Sunshine, Aqualung

Make it a beautiful Monday, peoples!

So sad

Austin competed in Pleasanton last weekend and took 4th place all around and 1st place in pommel horse. Wednesday night he had an accident at the gym and sprained his ankle. Badly. Like it's 4 days later and he can barely put weight on it. Gym meets? Out of the question for the near future. And I keep thinking "what if that panel mat hadn't been there?" and "why did this have to happen to him???" and stuff like that. Then I think about people who are having those same thoughts about a spinal cord injury or about accidents that people didn't survive. But my heart still hurts for my son. His dream is to do gymnastics in college and RIGHT NOW is when colleges are looking. And he sits with an ankle that doesn't work. If only I could give him one of mine...

Girls on the Run, puppies, and handstands and burpees

My friend Julia and I are coaching Girls on the Run and it starts tomorrow. I can't wait! We get to be with a group of 3rd to 5th grade girls for 12 weeks as we learn about respect for yourself and others, and train to run a 5K race!

Nerves are common when you're trying something new, right? I tend to see what could go wrong rather than what could go right and that tendency is something I've become aware of -- painfully aware of! For example, in 2 weeks we are getting a puppy. That should have an exclamation point, right? But boy can I tell you everything that's going to be tough about having a puppy. Mindfulness is what helps me to focus on the good stuff about puppies (they're fun, funny, warm, round, snugly, adorable) rather than the bad stuff (which I will not expand on here).

On a final unrelated note, I'm working (again) on handstands and burpees by doing 1 minute of handstands and 10 burpees per day. The handstands are practiced in my hallway, a la Nina Nina Nina's video: