If I was a normal girl, I would love shopping, right? Well, I must be abnormal then, cuz I HATE HATE HATE it!
Yesterday the whole family went shopping. We had a list of things that needed getting, but also had some time for browsing. I stopped in at Ann Taylor to do a couple of returns, and Tim suggested I stay and see if they had anything that would work for me. After a disagreement, I agreed to go in and look around. (Note -- that's the first sign that I'm a freak -- who argues with their husband when he suggests they buy something?!)
I picked up a few things to try on and went into the dressing room. There was another woman there, with her baby/toddler in tow. The little girl was loudly vocalizing the whole time her mom was trying stuff on. And a sales clerk was busily bringing things in for the mom to try and giving second opinions, as I was trying things on, looking in the mirror, thinking "looks stupid" and going on to the next thing.
Here's what didn't work about shopping last night:
1. I felt left out. Although I give off a vibe of "Don't talk to me" when I shop because of fear, I would have loved some help in figuring out if things fit or looked good. I was envious of the ease and the help offered the other woman.
2. The yelling child. I went for YEARS without shopping because I wouldn't do that to other people or to my child. Again, I envied her ease -- the apparent "yeah, I need to go shopping, and I'm going to" that she had.
3. A loaded question. "So what jewelry would I wear with this?" she asked to the sales clerk. WHAT??? You'll wear one of your two pairs of earrings like I do, you idiot! (Ok, that sounded harsh, but it's what I thought.) Actually I'm down to one pair of earrings cuz the clasp on my silver hoops broke. Tucker found a pair that he brought to my attention, and I bought them, so there!
All this angst, from something that's supposed to be fun! Sometimes I get very tired of operating from old stuff and hurt and fear. And I can only imagine how hard it would be if I didn't like the size I wore, or had a husband who discouraged shopping.
Enough said. I did buy a pair of pants, two t-shirts, a sweater, and a skirt that doesn't work with anything else I own (so more shopping will be required). Maybe it's time to just tell the "I'm stupid and don't know how to dress myself" voice in my head to shut up.
End of rant. I'm hoping the next time I write I'll sound just a little more sane!