Saturday, March 29, 2008

Greetings from the ladder

I feel like I'm on a ladder, climbing out of a hole. What's the hole? It's a depression brought on by stress, poor food choices, and not much balance in my life. The good news is that I can break this cycle any time I choose, which is why I'm now on the ladder and not just sitting in the hole!

The truth is that the kids being on break is hard for me because of how I react to it. And this time it's harder because I'm training clients while the kids are home. So once again I'm figuring out what works by experiencing what doesn't work -- kind of part of the whole game of life, right?

The day in San Francisco was wonderful. Cafe Gratitude was quite an experience for this suburban family. The menu is all vegan and mostly raw, and you order things like "I am Fun" (onion sunflower bread) and "I am Fulfilled" (large cafe salad), so the ordering process is quite different. The unbleached muslin napkins look like they've been pre-used (but they're weren't!). The food was wonderful -- flavorful, fresh, and very satisfying. And I so appreciate that my family was open minded enough to try this.

We also had a great time at MOMA, Ripley's Believe it or Not, and the Apple store. We ate dinner in North Beach and our niece, who's just graduated from college and moved to the city ran down to meet us, and we hiked the (very hilly) 10 or so blocks to her new apartment which was very fun.

The other eventful day of the week was Thursday when I rented a mini van (my car wouldn't hold everyone) and took five-6th graders to Marine World. The day started out great -- kids were really fun, and I managed to sneak my vegan lunch into the park (thank you Laptop Lunchbox!). But after lunch one of the girls got violently ill and I spent hours with her in the infirmary, while the rest of the kids were checking in via cell phone. Then one of the boys lost his cell phone, and then his friends lost him for about 30 minutes. The day did have a happy ending with sick child feeling better and lost boy found (sadly, no cell phone was found though.)

(I know I'm writing a lot, but I just need to get this figured out...)

So I think a combination of inconsistent workouts, not enough sleep, and using food to deal with stress (cotton candy and a King-sized bag of M&Ms were the foods of choice at Marine World) is what contributed to my own personal black cloud. So today, after more indulgence last night, it's time to get back to what works. And what works for me is healthful nutritious food, workouts that make me sweat, and doing things I love. Nutritious food is on today's agenda. Writing in my weblog is something that I love to do. And today's workout was this:

1000 kettlebell swings
2-1/2 minute sets w/1 minute of rest
Round 1: 12 kb, 100 swings
Round 2: 12 kb, 100 swings
Round 3: 12 kb, 100 swings
Round 4: 16 kb, 100 swings
Round 5: 16 kb, 50 swings, 12 kb 50, swings
Round 6: 16 kb, 100 swings
Round 7: 12 kb, 100 swings
Round 8: 16 kb, 50 swings, 12 kb 50, swings
Round 9: 16 kb, 50 swings, 12 kb 50, swings
Round 10: 12 kb, 100 swings

Total time: 35 minutes

Tomorrow will be a long run, as it's been a week since I've gone running. And Monday school and the more predictable rhythms of life begin again.

I just looked over what I wrote, and to me it seems fragmented and I'm tempted to just delete it. But that's where I'm at, and fragmented actually makes sense with how I feel. Fragmented, but hopeful.


Eileen said...

Next time you take 5 kids to Marine another Mom to come along too!

Listen to the Byron Katie cds (I'm assuming you have not). Then go listen to the Power of Now. THEN listen to A New Earth and watch (or listen) to the Oprah classes. Again, I am assuming you have not already done these things.

All of the above can be done while you're doing other things...driving, cleaning the kitchen, folding laundry. And I really, truly, completely know it will help you avoid these depressive episodes in the future. Yes, the bad food and kids home contributed, but ultimately it's just thinking that got out of hand that pushed you into the hole.

That's not to say that you won't find yourself in a bad mood ever again. But coming out of it will be so much easier.

Eileen said...

p.s. And start thinking about making plans for the kids for SUMMER now...something that keeps them busy so you can (1) train your clients, (2) still have some alone time and (3) just enjoy it all a lot more. It's always a rough transition (for me too) so thinking ahead might help avoid those first few weeks when things feel so disjointed because your routine has suddenly gone kaput!

Irene said...

I agree with Eileen and having another Mom with you!

Actually, what you've written is not as fragmented as you think it is. It will make more sense to you later. It makes sense to me! I completely understand where you're at!

I hope the rest of your weekend goes smoothly! Take care!

Colette said...

BIG HUGS to you my friend!

What Eileen says is some great advice! I've been reading "A New Earth" and it is wonderful! you can listen to Oprah's class every Monday night, or even on XM on Friday at 5pm our time.

So glad you had a wonderful time in the city (how can you not) and I'm glad all turned okay at Marine World.

Brit-Man said...

You WILL be fine, and you WILL find a way to get over any issues you have within yourself.

GOOD LUCK and no worries yeah :-) :-).