Pushing Reset

I read many wonderful blogs. Today's title comes from OnSimplicity.net in a post titled "Pushing the Reset Button on Your Life." I feel like I'm there right now. It's time to examine my life and how things are working for me. What areas are up for examination? In theory, everything's a candidate. But right now here's what on my radar:

How I Eat -- Your comments helped me to make my decision. I'm eating meat again. Not a lot. But enough that I can actually taste and eat what I cook for my family. The choice feels like a very good one at this time.

How I Exercise -- Not sure I want to do crazy long running. In the same way that cutting entire food groups out of my diet feels extreme, so does trying to run 30+ miles per week. I may go back to my "staying in half marathon shape" goal, which is what I started with before I ran the marathon and the ultra.

How I Start My Day -- Once again I'm trying to start my day in a positive way. It's just so easy to jump onto the computer and click stuff as I wake up. But is that the best way to start? NO! Prayer, spiritual reading, and exercise produce a much better mindset and outlook.

How I Relate to my Kids -- Over time I've let my authority as a mom erode to where I think I'm viewed as a friendly servant. And this becomes a vicious cycle where I make choices (picking up their clothes, dropping whatever I'm doing to transport them, and so on) that make me feel devalued AND perpetuate the "friendly servant" persona and feed my depressed feelings. As today is their last day of school, it's time to get them to man up (literally!) and make more of a contribution. They'll feel better and I'll feel better.

On another note -- We had violent thunderstorms throughout the night last night. At times it was so loud that it hurt my ears. My neighbor across the street had pictures fall off her walls, and figurines topple and crash off her bookcases, and has charred electrical outlets. Our power was out for maybe 6 or 7 hours, and the simplicity was really really nice.

The Pettiness Prayer

The Pettiness Prayer

Keep us, oh God, from pettiness.

Let us be large in thought, in word, in deeds.

Let us be done with fault finding and leave off self-seeking.

May we put away all pettiness and meet each other face to face, without self-pity and prejudice.

May we always be patient, never hasty in judgment and always be tolerant.

Teach us to put into action our better impulses, straight forward and unafraid.

Let us take time for all things, make us calm, serene, and gentle.

Grant that we may realize that it is the little things in life that create differences; that in the big things of life we are as one.

May we strive to touch and to know the great common heart of us all.

And, oh God, let us not forget to be kind.

My plan is to start my day with this prayer each day in the month of June.

SO SAD

I forgot to order my 7th grader a yearbook. Actually, I thought I ordered it in the fall. Turns out I was wrong. I would have bet money that it was handled! Kid is disappointed and angry. I feel awful. At least I know I'll have something to talk with the counselor about this week.

UPDATE: Feeling better. May be able to get a yearbook today (they have a lottery for the extras). May not. But stuff happens. You'd better believe I'll be sending the money in early next year!

Monday Melange

So today is the start of a brand new week and a brand new month, both on the same day. That seems good somehow, doesn't it?

So now it's Tuesday and I'm just getting back to writing. Here in no particular order are the thoughts and observations that are rolling around in my head:

• I'm considering becoming a flexitarian (mostly veg with a little meat thrown in). Just started reading Mark Sisson's new book The Primal Blueprint, and he makes a very compelling case as to why it's better to eat animal products. Also what I eat right now for dinners is pretty pathetic. I cook meat for my family (tonight it's a Mexican casserole with chicken, brown rice, veggies and cheese) so they whole "it's better for the environment" argument that's pro veg doesn't work for me, as I'm not living it. Anyway, tonight I'll eat ... well, I'm training clients tonight, so it doesn't count. But last night I made chicken picatta with vermicelli and salad and I ate some plain noodles and salad. (Later I made up for it (sigh).) So yeah, I don't know that eating veg makes sense for me. I'd love to hear your thoughts...
• People in Mafia Wars are mean! I've had hits orderd on me, and someone even just punched me in the face! Why can't I just run my little crime family and earn millions without someone trying to hurt or kill me??? Maybe Sorority Wars is more my speed?
• I'm in love with "my" little trail. It's 1/2 mile from our house, but it's single track, primitive, challenging (LOTS of ups and downs) and super duper fun. When I run there it makes me feel like a kid!
• Still hanging onto an extra 5 pounds, but still working towards leanness. We leave for Hawaii in 2-1/2 weeks. Am I motivated enough to be strict with my eating till then? (Oh just the thought makes me tired!) Stay tuned...
• Have been working in the yard a lot since my visit from The Garden Gal. I hired her to be my gardening tutor after I killed some marigolds (which are indestructible in our area). Her diagnosis? Flukey gardening mystery. She came last week and gave me some direction on many different areas of the garden, and now I'm out there every day slowly chipping away at my project list. If you need gardening help, I'd highly recommend Katrina.
  
• My kids are both on Facebook now and they are my friends. Which means I have to watch what I say there. But I get to see what they say...

Ok, time to get ready for my 1:30 client. Have a fabulous Tuesday, friends!

Feeling good!

Me last night as a fashion trendsetter with my side pony.

After many months of unrelenting stress, I feel like I can breathe again. Circumstances haven't changed much at all, but I'm doing some things to take care of myself, and amazingly enough, they're working.

I've had two sessions with the counselor. It feel right to be looking inward at this time and I'm glad I get to do it. So I feel a little unraveled inside (does that make sense?) but I think that's a good thing. I told the counselor that what I'm seeking is:

• resilience
• optimism
• purpose

To my way of thinking, with those qualities, nearly anything life throws your way can be handled with grace and dignity, and you can probably emerge from any situation with your sense of humor and hope intact.

So for a while it felt like my theme song was "Every Day is Exactly the Same" by Nine Inch Nails (you know it's bad when Trent Reznor is speaking for you), now I'm feeling more like "Feeling Good" by Michael Buble.

Sad but probably close to true

Michaelangelo's David is to be returned to Italy.

After a two year loan to the United States,
Michelangelo’s David is being returned to Italy.


I found this on the Green Smoothie Girl weblog.
Be good, and if you're in Nor Cal, stay cool!

I am a runner!

I saw a bunch of photos of myself last night. They made me sad. In them I was smiling, in shape, and getting ready to RUN! It feels like a million years ago that I ran the marathon and the ultra, but the truth is they both took place LESS THAN SIX MONTHS AGO!

So today I've decided I'm a runner again. That means there will be more running than walking when I go out. This morning I ran 3 fast-ish miles (8:40 average pace). But it's getting hotter and I felt a wicked headache coming on. So I came back home, went on with my day, and then this afternoon in the 90 degree heat, I headed out again to finish what I'd started. I wasn't even CLOSE to fast during this 4 mile trek, but it got done. And I came home smiling inside, because I'm a runner again!

(Note: I think anyone who runs at any pace at any time is a runner. What I've written about here is just for me at this point in time.)

More laughter

Girlfriend Linda who (sadly) lives in Chicago and not RIGHT NEXT DOOR alerted me to this laugh-out-loud funny weblog: Wendi Aarons. (The title is the author's name -- there is not hidden humor in it.)

Here's a sample of the fun. For some reason I think Colette, Eileen, and Katie will enjoy it most...

Lessons Learned Last Week

Monday
Make the shocking discovery that it's never a good idea to use the term "douchebag" in a PTA meeting. Even if the person you're talking about just so happens to be a really, really big one. Isn't that right, Angela?

Tuesday
At a party, find out that shaping your hair into a nice, high pompadour while drunkenly screaming, "Look! Look at me! I'm in Big Love, baby! Look! I have compound hair! See it? See it? Now, where my sista wives at? Come on, you bee-yotches! Let's fight! MY Bill Paxton! MY Bill Paxton! Hahahaha! Rawrrr!", is actually not something that will make you popular and fun to be around.

Wednesday
During rare visit to the gym, discover that nobody is impressed by a 17-minute mile. Especially when you tell them you sprinted the whole way.

Thursday
Learn that, even if you tell your husband that tonight's dinner will be "tender crescents of imported whole-grain pasta smothered in a pool of rich, succulent, sunset-colored baby cheddar and lovingly paired with an organic butter reduction," he still won't be happy you've made box mac 'n cheese again.

Friday
While watching a DVD, realize that, after one glass of wine, Matthew McConaughey isn't really such a terrible actor after all. After two glasses of wine, happily take back all of the nasty things you've said about him throughout the years. After three glasses of wine, begin to weep over the nuances he's bringing to the role of a romantic cad with a heart of gold. After four glasses of wine, stand up on the couch and howl, "Mathhhhhewwwwww Mc... Mc... Conorwee!!! I LOVVVVEEEE YEWWWWW!!" After five glasses of wine, rifle through stacks of old US Weeklys and lick pictures of Matthew doing shirtless yoga poses.

Pass out with disc of How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days stuck to right cheek and a hand-written note reading "Help Me" stuck to the left.

Saturday & Sunday
Stay in bed recovering from week full of life lessons. While difficult at times, know the experience was worth it. Relax, meditate and promise to be a better person from now on.

Monday
Make the shocking discovery that it's never a good idea to use the term "asswipe" at a PTA meeting. Even if the person you're talking about just so happens to be a really, really big one. Isn't that right, Angela?

Laughter

Chip on dailymile highlighted Awkward Family Photos as his new favorite website, and I'm with him on this. Happy Friday, friends!

Answers

I have a few spare minutes to answer some questions:

Colette asked how I like P90X. I like it a lot, but not as my primary exercise. In an ideal world, I'd do P90X for upper body twice a week, and for lower body once a week, in addition to running about 30 miles. Last night Tim and I did Chest and Back (a million pushups of all kinds, and a million pullups of all kinds), and tonight we're doing the Plyo disk. Tomorrow I'm gonna be SORE!!!

Anonymous asked where the trail was that we hiked on Sunday. I got it from a book titled "Best Easy Day Hikes, Sacramento" that's a Falcon Guide. We did the Mountain Quarry Railroad Trail. To get there (as per the book) you take Highway 49 south through Auburn and down into the canyon. You turn right on Old Foresthill Road at the base of the hill, cross the bridge and park along the road. The trailhead is at gate 150. Hope this helps!

Matt -- I just have to say thank you for taking the time to write what you did. Your encouragement is so very appreciated!

The Other Mothers

My girlfriend Eileen, who has way more energy and smarts than several of me put together, is starting a website for moms. I think the working title is "The Other Mothers." Here's what Eileen has to say about who she'd like to reach:

So maybe I have my niche right there. The rest of us mothers. Those of us who are most definitely not "one of those" mothers. Those of us who love our children, but don't necessarily love the work of motherhood, who try to get it together, but usually feel like we're falling short and just can't keep up. Those of us looking for clever, and perhaps offbeat hacks for getting through the day....

If you'd like to provide some feedback, or stay informed about the project, you can check her out here!

Perhaps a runner?

I'm starting to remember why I like running, which is a good sign. Did 7 yesterday, and 8 today, with a goal of 30 for the week. My hope is that the extra pounds I've put on (limited exercise + eating for stress management = muffin top) will leave nearly as quickly as they came on. Why is it so much easier to gain weight than it is to lose weight?

Podcasts are my entertainment of choice when I run, and today I downloaded a bunch of NPR's offerings including Fresh Air, Food, and Shuffle. If anyone's interested, there's a good interview with the creator of "Glee" the new series that's premiering tonight. What I found fascinating is that this man is also the creator of "Nip/Tuck." Talk about a range of subjects!

Ummmm, I think that's it from the home front. Have a great day!

Feeling a little more like me

Thank you for every wonderful comment and email you took the time to send. They helped to alleviate my fears and to make me feel like I'm not the only one who struggles.

Yesterday Tim and I went for a hike. Did you hear that? My husband (the one who said, early in our marriage "I don't get walking. You should run or you should sit.") and I went on a hike. We drove to Auburn and caught part of the Western States trail, covering 6 miles and having a great time.

The two of us along the trail.

Tim was hiking and smiling AT THE VERY SAME TIME!

Aren't the Sierra foothills beautiful?

Today I went out and ran 7 miles. Well, I ran 6 and walked about 1. That's better than I've done on any outing in a month or more. 3 of the miles were on a trail right by our house. It's all single-track and lots of ups and downs, but that's a good surface to train on, right?

I really am feeling a little more like myself every day. And rather than getting harsh and punitive with me, I'm staying gentle (mostly) so if my pace is slow, or if I don't get quite as much done as I'd like, then that's just fine.

Again, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU!!!

The whole truth

Although this blog is primarily about fitness, whatever I happen to be enjoying at any given time also seems to make its way into my little wedge of the blogosphere. And I really like to focus on what's good, however...

...this last week has been one of the most difficult I've ever had. I lost interest in everything. Any hope I had vanished. I could barely drag myself out to exercise. Healthy eating? Gone. And I was in a very scary place emotionally.

So what's a girl to do when her hope is gone and she can barely drag her butt out of bed? Well in my case, the solution has been multi-faceted:

• Honesty: I told my husband and a few key girlfriends exactly how I was feeling.
• Medication: I increased the dose of the anti-depressant I take (my dr has given me the ok to bounce between two dosages, and believe me, uppping the dose has been a VERY good thing)
• Professional help: I'm going to see a counselor this week (something I'd been planning to do at the first of the year, but that was when my dad started having troubles, so it got put on hold)
• Physical help: I'm starting to eat foods that have a vitamin or two in them, and starting to get consistent with exercise once again.

My pride doesn't like what I'm writing, as I'd be way more comfortable saying, "Yep, I just picked myself up by my bootstraps and did what had to be done!" I don't want to be the poster child for anti-depressants. And I like to think that I require less than the average person to just keep on going. But the stresses of this year have taken their toll and it's time for things to change.

So why do I mention any of this? Because I feel that what I write presents a real picture of my life, albeit with a positive slant, and to exclude what's happening now would be a lie of omission. Would anyone else know? Nope. But I would. And there's the teensy weensy possibility that someone who reads this knows someone who's struggling, or could be struggling themselves, and in getting honest, maybe someone would know that they are not alone.

Today I can tell that my serotonin levels are better, as I'm starting to smile again. And I'm looking to the future with a small measure of hope. And that, my friends, is a VERY good thing!

Like a boxer who's been hit hard...

...I'm coming back to standing up, slowly but surely. Being sick sucks. It's not worth the downtime (and the responsibilities don't go away!), and I need to learn a new way to take time off. I'm sitting here carrying a few extra pounds, feeling not very energetic, but completely certain that I can get back to standing firmly on my own two feet.

My dad's doing better each week. He has not had a stroke and does not have a tumor, but his memory is still impaired. Well, this weekend we started playing brain games (variations on what I play daily on Lumosity) in an effort to help him get back to normal.

That's it from here.

Be careful what you ask for...

I could tell stress was getting to me when I first heard about swine flu, and I thought "I'd like to get that." While that may sound crazy to some, I was picturing some freedom from responsibilities and some down time. Well, now I've actually got something going on. Chest tightness. Coughing. And I'm happy about it, as it gives me permission to slow down just a little bit in my life. So I'm drinking Breathe Easy tea and maybe running at 70% speed today. (Not literally running -- just talking about the pace of life.)

Things that make me smile

It's become crucially important to notice things that make me smile. Perhaps it's important all the time, but now when I'm feeling so stretched, it's a must, not just a nicety. So here are a few things that brought a smile to my face in the past 24 hours:

• Saw a minivan that said "Dad's the boss, right mom?".
• I got my "Wag more, bark less!" sticker from Agatha and Louise. (My sister Michelle has one on her car, and I'm following suit.)
• Tim told me about My Living Desktop and I downloaded it this morning. Right now I'm listening to crickets chirping with an occasional horse trotting by and a beautiful pasture scene in the background. And you can set the desktop to provide built in serenity breaks -- great for those who need to be on the computer for hours at a time.
• I had a podiatrist come by and take care of my parents' feet yesterday. The doctor was kind and gentle and I could not have asked for anyone better. It is a huge relief to know that neither of them (both of whom are diabetic) have any feet issues.
• Still batting 1000 with my new morning routine. Today I ran/walked 1 mile and threw in 30 incline pushups and 300 lunge walks. The air was moist and it was crisp and lovely. Spent most of the time in prayer, and then listened to the latest Vegan Freak podcast. Anyway, what made me smile was how foggy and mysterious things looked as the sun came up.

About to tackle the piles on my desk. This will not be smile producing in the process of working through all the stuff, but I'm sure I'll be smiling when my desk is clear once again. :)

Disneyland!!!

We flew into So Cal early Friday morning. Sandy (my funny, smart, loving mother) met us at the airport and we headed to Disneyland for a whirlwind day of fun.

Tucker plays in Toontown.

Tucker and Grandmother enjoying the sunshine.

Indiana Jones is the best ride at Disneyland.

Me and Tucker trying on ears.

Melange, part deux

• Dinner is a sandwich from the book "From the Ground Up" by Amy Stewart. I've seen numerous variations on this, mostly called Pan Bagnat. The recipe from this book uses a baguette that gets sliced, then spread with olive and garlic tapenade, then topped with roasted carrots and squash, fresh basil, fresh mozzarella, lettuce, tomato, thin slices of bell peppers. Finally you sprinkle the whole thing with a little red wine vinegar and some good olive oil, then put the top half of the bread on, wrap it all in waxed paper, and let it sit under a cookbook (no joke!) for a while. I made this a couple of weeks ago and my whole family loved it. Austin told me I could NOT change a thing when I made it next, and I forgot to tell him that cooking (unless it's from a package) is never exactly the same. We'll see how tonight goes!
• I bought a much-needed bookcase for my office a couple of weeks ago. It's still not assembled. I'd thought I was going to do it, so I wasn't asking Tim for any help, but today I pulled out the directions and yeah, I need a man. Thankfully I have one! :)
• My sister and I were going to run the San Francisco half marathon as her first half marathon, but for a number of very good reasons, we've decided to run the Nike in October instead. (She signed up as a fluke and got in, not knowing how truly lucky she is! I will be running as a bandit -- yikes! Is that super bad if I'm just there for her?)
• I'm back on the green smoothie bandwagon. Really, I've never fallen off, but now I'm back to daily green smoothies as a way to feel great.

That's it for now. Prolly more later...

The new morning routine

Big changes in my morning routine are afoot. My usual modus operandi is to get up, slip into a robe, sit and mindlessly click on the computer for a while, then click some more, and keep myself available for whatever anyone needs. I throw on clothes to take the kids to school (emphasis on the "throw") and rarely do anything to get myself ready for the day until sometime later. This is not working well. It's making me feel depressed. So it's time for a change.

Here's the new plan: Get up and throw on exercise clothes (which I will set out the night before). Spend a few minutes on the computer, then head outside. Walk/run for 2 miles, adding in pushups, lunge walks, marching, and any other exercise that strikes my fancy. Shower and get ready for the day when I get home.

I did this today, which means I'm batting 1000. And it felt really good.

Melange

• Got back from Southern CA Sunday night. Missed 2 days of solid rain here -- hooray! Will be posting photos from Disneyland soon.
• Over the weekend, Tim and Austin washed and folded all the laundry in the house!!!!! Do you realize how big that is??? What a treat to come home to no laundry mountain! Thanks Tim and Austin!
• My dad's doing better enough that he doesn't require daily visits. That gives me a little free time today and I'm taking myself on a field trip here right after I drop the kids at their respective schools. (The photo above is from The Flower Farm website.)

Coming full circle

Let's start with some shout outs:

Jacey -- thanks for the suggestions about and about birds in the backyard and pedicures for diabetics. Interestingly, I'd picked up a copy of that very magazine you suggested on the same day you suggested it! And wonder of wonders -- I found a podiatrist who makes house calls!!!

Ron -- It's so good to hear from you. Thanks for the encouragement!

Matt -- Your words brought tears to my eyes -- merci beaucoup! (More about French in a minute...)

In many ways, my life is coming full circle these days. No I'm not talking about my parents struggles. Rather, it seems like things I was interested in decades (literally!) ago have come to the forefront in ways I'm really enjoying.

I took French in high school. Why French? Because at that time, my choices were Spanish (which was thought of as the "easy" language, and I wanted no part of that), German (which sounded harsh to my ears) and French (the natural default). But after the requisite two years of instruction, I never touched it again until now. Austin's taking French in high school, and if he's lucky, he'll be one of the students selected to take a trip to France next summer. Yeah, guess who's chaperoning that trip -- MOI! So I got a copy of Rosetta Stone French, and have been stumbling my way through a little bit at a time.

This is what my kid does when he's not conjugating French verbs. :) (Yes, that's actually MY kid!!!)

One of my favorite books growing up was "Farmer Boy" by Laura Ingalls Wilder. The descriptions of both the vegetable garden and the kitchen were so vivid and wonderful and they made me want to be good at gardening and cooking. I did learn to cook years ago, and I'm fairly good in the kitchen (although somewhat unmotivated at times!) but I'm starting to enjoy the actual process of cooking. Well, that is, when the stars align and we're actually home for dinner. Tonight we're having Parmesan Chicken with Lemon Viniagrette, Roasted Asparagus with Parmesan, and a simple salad. It's the least I can do when I'm leaving for the weekend, right?

This weekend Tucker and I will be in Southern California, and tomorrow we'll be at Disneyland with my mother. I can't wait!!!

Finally, I took myself on a field trip to several garden places I hadn't seen before. At one place, I found the very best garden decoration in the world (at least to my way of thinking). It's ceramic on metal and stands about 5 feet tall. Alas, it costs more than $1000, so it will have to remain at its current residence (sigh).

Isn't it wonderful?!?! Doesn't it look just like me?

Simple pleasures

The comments made me feel hugged. THANK YOU!!!

I bought and hung a bird feeder last week. And it's been a source of frustration because no birds were finding it. That hurt my feelings. (I know, sounds crazy but it's true!) I was feeling like someone who dogs and kids don't like and one day I nearly threw out the feeder and all the bird seed. But over the weekend some tiny birds found our feeder! I was ridiculously happy to see them.

My dad is having a good day today. I went for a visit, intending to take him to the grocery store (where EVERYONE knows him and loves him) but he was tired after taking a shower and asked if we can do it tomorrow, which is fine with me. Mostly I'm getting things in order for my parents, but one thing has me stumped. I'm trying to find someone who can give in-home pedicures to diabetics. I've tried searching the internet and looked through the yellow pages but no luck. Any ideas?

Went to visit my in-laws today. On the way there, I saw a happy surprise -- the goats are back! Our county uses goats to control wild grasses that can become a fire danger in the late summer with our 100+ degree days. I stopped to shoot this (admittedly bad) picture just to prove that they are really here.


Here are the two guardians of the goats who tried to chase me off as I stood way too close to "their" goats.


I managed to run 4 miles yesterday evening. When I say I feel old and slow, I mean it, as my pace is slower by a full minute per mile than it used to be, and that's when I'm feeling like I'm really pushing it. But I can tell things are looking up, as today I saw someone running and thought, "Lucky!!!" That's definitely a good sign.

Coming up for air

I've heard the term "sandwich generation" but never fully appreciated what it meant till it happened to me. With two teenage sons, and all that comes with parents teens, and two ailing parents, and all that comes with that, I'm feeling like not enough butter on toast. Well, I was feeling that way. But I'm starting to come up for air. Here in no particular order, are some thoughts.

• I'm uncomfortable writing when I feel as undone as I do right now.

• Everyone should have their kids EARLY! That way the kids will be out of the house when you're needing to help your parents. Ok, so maybe this won't work for everyone, and certainly it didn't work for me, as I didn't get married till I was 28, and had my kids at ages 32 and 34. But I can make helpful suggestions, can't I???

• Not exercising is not a good thing when you're stressed. I'm starting back to running after taking some significant time off, and boy oh boy am I feeling old and slow! It really feels like forever ago that I ran a marathon. (Did I actually do that???) But progress has been made, as last week I was feeling so low that I would see people running and think, "Why do they even bother?"

• I've wanted to do a cleanse of some sort but can never find the right time to do it. Decided that today I'd kind of do the "Urban Detox" from the book Super Cleanse. So I did the hot water with lemon and cayenne. Then I juiced the celery, cucumber, ginger, and other stuff and had that. Later I had a Diet Pepsi. And a couple of fun-size candy bars. Then some carrot-apple juice. Then an Amy's frozen Indian dinner (YUM!). And I'm actually honestly ok with all of this. Because as contradictory as it might sound, I had some good nutrition today, mixed in with the other choices. (That's not all I ate, but those are the highlights!)

• The doctors think my dad's had a small stroke. His memory is affected, although he's getting better each day. He takes care of my mom, who never leaves the house, and would never leave her bed if someone didn't wake her. So this time feels really scary. I grieve for my dad who has a doctorate degree and retired as a Captain in the Naval Reserve, who now can't get his brain to work right. I continue to feel so sad for my mom, who I'm sure never wanted her world to be so small. My conclusion from all of this? Growing old is NOT for sissies!

I'll be back...

My parents are having some issues :( and I need to take some time to get them back on track. I'll miss reading what you have to say, comment on it, and (occasionally) writing something myself, but rest assured, I WILL be back!

In the meantime, as Abe says, whatever you are, be a good one!

All's well that ends well

This is Daisy. Well, her real name is Bonnie, but for the 12 hours we had her, she was Daisy. We saw her running out of our neighborhood last night, and Tucker insisted we turn the car around and get her. As she had no collar or ID, he then made signs and at 10:00 pm we drove around and posted them on the mailboxes. This morning we received a call from her owner who had seen the signs (after driving around for 2 hours looking for his dog!). Bye Daisy. You will be missed!

Thoughts for today

God knows.
God cares (more than we can possibly know).
God is in control.

Happy Easter

Hope it's been a wonderful day for everyone. Tim, Tucker, and I volunteered at church this morning, then joined the fam for Easter brunch and finished the afternoon with some gardening and some time at the high school where Tucker had found a tractor tire yesterday. So Tim and Tucker played with the tire, ran hurdles, and played HARD. Tell you what -- I have some coordinated people in my family, as BOTH of them can run while standing on top of the tire as it's rolling!

I'm not quite sure how it happened, but I took an entire week off from 3 things:

exercise
eating healthy
blogging

I think I'm ready to come back to my normal life now. Don't know if it was hitting 500 miles, or not doing the AR50, or what, but I just needed a break.

When you don't run 35 to 40 miles per week, you have a LOT of free time and energy on your hands. I've been channeling that energy into gardening and having a lot of fun with it. Tim officially turned over the yard to me last week and it's been a very enjoyable challenge. In my typical "all or nothing" fashion, I spent 6 hours doing yard work yesterday, with nearly 3 of those hours spent pick axing rocks from the hill in the back. Boy oh boy my hands are bruised and my forearms fried, but the hill looks better. (Our house is on lava cap with river rocks -- they don't call our town "Rocklin" for nothing!)

Ok, so that's it for now. I tried not exercising, not eating good and not writing and I just don't feel like me without those elements. First thing tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be out running and it's gonna feel GOOD!

Inappropriate and hilarious

My older son showed me this on April 1st. I know it's wrong, but it's just so funny!

April Fools - barats and bereta

Best email

Tim sent this today:

Subject: Miss you
I love you!

This after almost 20 years of marriage? Yeah, he's a keeper!

When Tim does Cindy...

...(sounds wrong somehow, doesn't it?) his best score is (that sounds wrong too!) 22 rounds. That's doing Cindy as written which is 5 pullups, 10 pushups, and 15 squats. When he's feeling tired he gets 18 or 19 rounds. Yeah, my husband's a stud!

Oh, and by the way I was sore nearly EVERYWHERE from Saturday's workout. It's a good thing, right?

Modified Cindy

Did one of Tim's favorite CrossFit workouts modified for my capabilities. 10 TRX rows (instead of 5 pullups), 10 bench pushups, 15 air squats for 20 minutes. Got 18 rounds + a set of rows and 7 pushups. Like many CrossFit workouts, the first couple of rounds feel pretty doable and (dare I say?) easy. Get to round 4 or so and the ease is gone. By the 10th round it's focus city. And by about round 15 I just want it to stop. Good stuff!

Where I'm at.

Courage does not always roar.
Sometimes it is a quiet voice
at the end of the day saying...
I will try again tomorrow.

Author unknown

The right decision

I contacted the RD yesterday to tell her that I won't be running the American River 50 this year. This is a very good decision for many reasons, probably the main one being this: I don't want to do it. Really, I don't. Here are some other reasons:

I'm not ready. The training plans for running 50 miles include some back to back long runs that make perfect sense for getting ready to run 50 consecutive miles. But I haven't done any density training like that. I'm also not ready in the sense of having people who could help me run part of the race or cheer me on, both of which seem vital to this sort of effort. And while some runs

The last 25 miles of this race are on trails and I don't like trails. Maybe someday I'll like trails. And actually, I do like them, but for shorter distances at this point.

My lower back has been giving me grief. Over the last month my lower back's felt tight and sore most of the time and I can't seem to get it to feel better. So doing a max distance race right now seems ill advised.

I have lost sight of what I want. We've had lots of family stress in the last few months and as the stress increases, so do my miles. So it's made sense to increase my race distances. But just because you CAN do something doesn't mean you SHOULD. And right now I just feel tired and not very strong. Not what you want going into a running-all-the-live-long-day race!

Preserving enthusiasm is priority #1. I still really like to run, and I've been doing it for a very long time. I want to like running for a long time to come. But moving forward to run a race I don't want to run, that I'm not prepared for? That seems like a recipe for killing part, if not all, of the enthusiasm I have for running.

So on race day I'll be running my own long-ish run. Maybe 20 or so miles isn't long by ultra standards, but it's long for me. And more importantly, it's what I want to do. And sometimes in life, you really do get what you want, right?

20 Tips For Finding Your Routine With Kids

When Austin was born, I returned to work after 3 months of maternity leave, working three 10-hour-days per week. So I packed a fulltime job into 3/4 of the hours, and it seemed to work for us. When I became pregnant for the second time, I really felt that the right thing for our family was for me to stay home once the new baby was born. So when Austin was just 2, and Tucker was a newborn, I quit my job in the software industry to stay home. And boy oh boy, it was TOUGH being home with two in diapers. Not because of the physical intensity of it all (although caring for a toddler and a newborn is NOT for sissies!) but because of the lack of routine. I just didn't do well with a big hangin' day and lots of toys.

If only THIS ARTICLE had been available at that time. Simple Mom tells you how to find your routine with kids, and it's exactly what I needed. To some extent, it's even what I need now. The idea of having a routine in your life is brilliant. The thing is I didn't know that you could create your own routine!!!

If you know of anyone who has small children, or who struggles with finding their rhythm with their free time, considering passing this link on -- it's that good!

Weekend update

It was an eventful 24 hours from Friday afternoon through Saturday afternoon. Here are some of the highlights:

State championship basketball game

Austin supports his team 100%!

Friday night we headed to Arco Arena for the Division 2 basketball championship game. Before the game we ate dinner at Mel's Diner -- big mistake for this veg girl who planned to run long the next day. Dinner was a sandwich of iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, and avocado on wheat. Not exactly the pasta feast I'd anticipated, as Mel's doesn't serve pasta. At the game I supplemented with half of a huge bag of M&Ms and a giant Snickers bar. Tim tried to convince me to stop, but I would not listen. :( This did not bode well for Saturday's long run. The game itself was really exciting, but alas, Rocklin did not win.

AR 50 training run

I draw on myself before every long run!

Got up early Saturday and drove to the Auburn Overlook. There were two busses: one for the 21 mile people and one for the 31 mile people. My bus had 20 men and 4 women. (Note to single girls -- get thyself immediately into ultra running, as the odds are fabulous and there are some very handsome ultra runners out there!) We were driven to the 19 mile mark (31 miles from the finish for the "real" race) and started running.

The run started going sideways almost from the get go. By mile 5 I had a pretty good headache going. By mile 7 or 8 my back was aching and my right calf was tight and feeling just not very good. By mile 10 my stomach was protesting the run. But what do you do when you're on unfamiliar trails with no option but moving forward? You keep on going.

By mile 17 or so I was practically in tears and mostly walking. Now it was raining, so you can add cold and shaking to the list of "symptoms." By this time I was telling myself I never had to run ever again after this day. I've never been so happy to see an aid station, and would have paid any amount of money for a ride back to my car. Thankfully a super nice volunteer was heading back with a bunch of stuff from the previous aid stations and was happy to give me a ride.

AR 50 training run aftermath

My shoes agreed to have a photo taken. Me myself absolutely refused! :) Note that these shoes were 100% white before the run.

I got home and took a shower. Tim had picked up a grilled veggie sandwich with pesto and a vegan cookie. I ate half of both and laid down for a nap. Has my bed every felt so good? I think not.

Last night we had 3 of Austin's friends spend the night. Thank goodness Tim's happy hanging out with teenage boys, because I was in bed by 9:00 and didn't wake up till after 7:00 this morning. I can't remember the last time I got more than 8 hours of sleep, but I guess I really needed it.

So am I running the AR 50? I dunno. More about that next time... Have a lovely Sunday!

31 turns into 22

Sometimes it's just not your day. The intent was to do 31 miles, but at mile 22, I gratefully accepted a ride back to my car. Details and photos (from before the race when I was happy) to follow. Actually, I'm very happy now, warmly wrapped in my fuzzy robe at 3 in the afternoon. I feel a nap coming on... :)

Note: After checking the runners handbook for the AR50, it looks like I ran 22, not 23 miles. I've changed the title of this post and my running stats accordingly.

Ready, set, GO!

Today and tomorrow will be busy. Here's what's on the agenda:

11:15 - 12:15 Train client (fun!)
1:00 - 5:00 CPR class (to renew my certification)
6:00 - ??? State championship basketball game at Arco Arena (our local high school, as the Nor Cal champions, is playing the So Cal championship team -- it's going to be a blast!)

Saturday
6:00 Wake up
7:00 Leave for training run
8:00 - 9:00 Take bus 31 miles to start area
9:00 - 3:00 or so Run back to car
4:00 - ??? VEG!!!

No plans for Sunday and I think that's a good thing! I'll let y'all know how the training run goes.

I have a nickname :(

I have always wanted a nickname. Alas, the closest thing I have is "Les" which a few people call me. Do I like it? Not really, but it's not a big enough thing to made an issue. Although you can't give yourself a nickname, I really want to be known as "elle" (first letter of my name). Alas, that doesn't seem likely.

So today I was at the grocery store. I'd actually gone to mail some packages, and after taking care of that, I picked up just a few things we were running low on. But I didn't have my reusable bags with me. So as I was paying, the bagger started opening a bag, and I said, "No, I don't want bags. That's my way of remembering to bring them in." He said, "Oh, you're the punisher!" What? Huh? Yep, I'm known at my grocery store as THE PUNISHER. The checker confirmed that he's told lots of people about how I don't accept bags any more and they call me the punisher.

Hmmmmph. I like Elle better! :)

Need more optimism and energy?

There's a great article on Basil and Spice titled "Tips to Boost Your Energy and Outlook During Tough Times." It should come as no surprise that their tips coincide with the practices that will also keep you healthy and fit. Here's the complete article. Hope you like it!

The running jacket

Here's my running jacket with the iron-ons from See Me Run. Notice the runner girl on the right sleeve.

Proof of reflectivity!

Adhering these to the jacket took less than 5 minutes, and it only took that long because I wanted the design absolutely centered and level. I'll be ordering more in the future for sure!

Fear of decorating

All those who are convinced they are decorating dunces, raise your hands. (See both of my hands waving furiously in the sky!) Well, in a gigantic grown-up step, I went to a home decor shop and asked them to design a flower arrangement for my kitchen. I brought in my own container (a colander) and chose the flowers I liked, and the designer assured me she could work her magic. Today I picked it up and I am delighted with the result:
(It looks even better when it's not being photographed by a camera phone!)

Stand by me

My friend Geraldine shared this video today. It gives me hope and makes me smile. Hope it brightens your day too!

Fear and trembling!

Spent a little time on the ultrunr.com site tonight reading about training for a 50 mile race. Perhaps I should have read this before signing up, or maybe more than 3 weeks prior to the race?!?! It looks like I will be somewhat undertrained based on their recommendations, and the 31 mile run next weekend, two weeks before the race? The experts seem to think this would be better about 4 weeks out. But it is what it is. As I was packing for Las Vegas tonight I was kind of panicking. Then I remembered several things that are true:

• I have no time expectations.
• I'm doing this because I want to try. (Originally my plan was to do a 50 mile race in November. But then I figured the 50K in February could count as part of my training, right?)
• There is no shame in trying.

I hope I can keep the right perspective for the next few weeks. All I can do is do my best though, right?

Running and stopping

Someone left a comment (hi Anonymous!) with a great question:

I'm curious as to how you log your miles -- is it total miles, regardless as to whether you ran them start to finish without stopping? Or do you only count the consecutive miles run? Personally, I guess short walk breaks COULD be considered part of a run (but, for me, I discount them as my total mileage run), but stopping to check email, drink water, etc.? I guess I would look at that as STOPPING. So, I could in good conscience say I ran several shorter mileage runs that equaled a total of 15 miles throughout the day. But, that is me. I am more of a black and white thinker and am hard on myself. I'm wondering if there is a "kinder" way to evaluate running performance, which it sounds like you do.

First of all, thanks for asking the question. I think of my runs as short (anything 7 miles or less), medium (8 to 12 miles) and long (13 miles or more). On short runs I only stop at red lights. On medium runs I usually plan to run by a drinking fountain (if there's a bathroom there, that's a plus!) and will stop for a minute or two. On longer runs, I will stop about every hour to eat an energy gel and have some water and kind of "reset" my brain.

So do I still count the miles I've covered, regardless of stopping? Absolutely! I can think of a few reasons why I choose this "kinder" way to log training miles:

1. Knowing I can stop helps to get me out the door on days when I really don't want to run. This is a biggie when you're running 40 - 50 miles per week!
   
2. Time on my feet is the point of my training these days, regardless of stops. In the training materials for the American River 50, they recommend a run/walk strategy for the entire race of run 20 minutes walk 5 minutes. And they count that as running!
3. Stopping on training runs was how I did my long runs for the marathon. Did I stop while running the marathon? No! Would the marathon have been "easier" if I'd pushed myself harder on the long training runs? Of course! But it worked for me.

I suppose that's the bottom line: it works for me. I know most serious runners would rather die than stop during a run. Well, I actually don't know that, but I think that's probably true. :) And I definitely stop more now as I train for the 50 mile race than I did when training for shorter distance races, as the impression I get from reading about ultras is that brief stops are vital to finishing. Does "brief" mean checking email? Probably not! :) But as I said, Monday's run was a strange one and certainly not typical of my training.

Finally, I really understand black and white thinking and being hard on yourself, as that's the land I've lived in for most of my life. I've worked very hard to find some "middles" and that's made life more fun and much easier. Years ago I was seeing a counselor who was talking to me about this very issue. She asked me if I knew what lived in between the colors black and white, and as I was angry at the time, I snapped back "Yeah, grey and I HATE grey! It's the worst color there is!" She gently replied "Actually, no. In between black and white is where all the colors in the rainbow live." I was stunned and speechless. You mean that something beautiful lives in the middle spaces? I've played with that idea in my mind for years.

Today I'm running 12. Will I stop? You betcha! But I won't be checking my email until after the run. ;) Thanks for taking the time to comment and ask the question.

Melange!

• Eating Healthfully in a Recession: 5 tips I'm so excited about this podcast! It's the latest episode of my all-time favorite podcast, Vegetarian Food for Thought. Colleen is one of the best podcasters around, and I eagerly look forward to each new episode. I haven't yet listened to this new episode, but I'm sure it will be as informative as the rest. I urge you to go to iTunes and check it out!
  
• 3 fast miles Yesterday in a departure from my usual training, I ran 3 fast miles. First mile was 8:05, second was 8:10 and third was 8:25. I also did AOS Providence. Today? Sore legs baby!
• A Good Bad Run Fifteen miles was the target distance for Monday's run, but I was SO not into it. I kept stopping back by the house to check email, pet the dogs, drink some water -- to do anything but keep running! At about mile 12.5 I started feeling shaky and hungry -- yes, low blood sugar! So I came back home and just about called it quits. I mean an almost 13 mile run is good right? And I ran 21 just two days before, so I don't have to run any more, right? Then I thought "This is where the real training takes place!" I got a quick snack and pounded out the last 2-1/2 miles. Was it fun? Heck no! But was it valuable? Absolutely!!! I'm sure there will be low points in the 50 miler, and to have pressed on is excellent training for that.
  
• Cirque du Soleil LOVE We'll be in Vegas this weekend for Tucker's Tae Kwon Do tournament and while we're there we're seeing LOVE!!! I've been listening to the soundtrack, which is a remastered mix of Beatles songs, for the last two days.
  
  
• 50 mile thoughts I'm both nervous and excited about the American River 50. It's 3-1/2 weeks away. This weekend I read the 20 page runner's information packet where it talks about things like how to avoid seizures and vomiting. What?!?! Guess there are things that can go wrong when you try to run 50 miles. I'm not at all sure I'll be able to finish, but the things that could cause me to DNF mostly out of my control. So I'll continue to train well, continue to formulate both my nutrition plan and my mental plan for the race, and be happy no matter what happens!
  
• Dinner success! Last night's dinner was a Greek salad (romaine, kalamata olives, tomatoes, red onion, cucumber, and Feta with an olive oil + red wine vinegar + fresh lemon juice + oregano + a little mustard dressing) with fresh bread. I also cooked up some chicken for those who wanted to add it, but Tim was the only taker. It felt good to have made something that everyone could enjoy!
  
• Daily schedule A few weeks ago I wrote about the Daily Docket I'd found online that I was trying out. Well, I've taken that format and adapted it and it's really making a difference in my days! The form starts with "what's for dinner?", has room for 3 MITs (most important tasks), and has a "for the best possible day" section where you can plan exercise, connection, knowledge, and play! Wish I could post the form (it's a Word doc) but if anyone's interested, leave your email address in the comments and I'll mail you a copy.
  
• See Me Run I ordered some reflective iron-on designs so I could jazz up my black running jacket. I'm so happy with how it looks! I got the tribal hearts design and put it on the back. It's a cost-effective way to be safe when running at night.
  
• Zen Habits I continue to love Zen Habits! Leo is a wonderful writer, and what he writes makes my days better. For a great overview of his site, I'd recommend buying his eBook, "Zen Habits Handbook for Life." It's worth way more than the $6.95 it costs!
  

Art

I LOVE art. Do I know how to create art? No. Do I know much about art? No. But I love to look at art, particularly abstract and contemporary works.

This weekend we were at the state gymnastics championships, watching two of Austin and Tucker's former teammates compete. After the meet we hit Spaghetti Factory for dinner, and while we waited for a table, I saw a piece of art hanging in a wine bar just across from the restaurant. Curious, I went inside, and wow! I've rarely seen anything I like as much as these.


These amazing pieces are by Michelle Brunmier, a local artist. I'm planning to meet her at a reception at the end of the month (at that same wine bar) and I can't wait!

Roasted veggies

For years I've heard that it's really simple to roast vegetables, and yet I've been highly resistant to actually doing it. But yesterday I made these (see photo) using this recipe. I did not have fresh thyme but just went ahead like the renegade I am and cooked the veggies anyway. They were delicious!!! I ate them standing at the stove with a fork. So did Tim. The kids? Didn't touch 'em but that's just fine, as I figure it's more for me.

Hope this is me someday!

Saw this on Eric's blog, "The Runner Inside." Hope it inspires you like it does me!

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

If it seems like I'm writing often...

...I am. This week I'm finally feeling like me again, after several months of feeling like not enough butter on toast. My dad's doing really well, and life is returning to normal, where I don't feel so stretched. So yeah, I'm writing more.

You know, I've kept a weblog now for nearly four years. It started when I was getting ready to compete in the Women's Tri-Fitness competition in Las Vegas. I'd lost weight and decided to take the plunge and do something I would NEVER in my wildest dreams have thought I'd ever do. And since it was so unusual, I let my friends know if they'd like to know what it's like getting ready for a fitness competition, I'd be happy to send them updates. From there I started a weblog -- someone mentioned the word "weblog" and though I'd never heard it before, I did a little research and decided it was for me!

So I kept a weblog for about a year and a half (as Fortysomething Fitness), but ran into some family issues as a result of the blog. As a strong statement about my loyalty to someone I love, I deleted the entire blog. (I regret it a little, but it mended the relationship.) A few months after that, I started this.

I write when I have something to say. If I have nothing to say (or more likely, something to say but no time to type it), I don't write. So there's no rhyme or reason to the quantity of my writing. Well, there is one pattern. When I'm feeling good (and have the time to write) I write a lot. So multiple posts are like a mood barometer of sorts.

Finally, I'm so appreciative when someone reads what I write. I actually have no idea who reads this, except for the very cool Blogger "Follow this blog" tool. Confession here: I am subscribed via Bloglines to more than 150 blogs, in subjects ranging from fitness and running (or course!) to food and parenting (well, duh!), with a little homemaking, simplicity and humor thrown in. Do these people know I read what they write? Probably not. My theory on commenting is the same as on writing -- I only comment if I have something to say. Maybe I should change this, as I often read something and think nice thoughts about the author -- perhaps they'd like to hear this from the source? (Having said that, maybe I need to comment more often!)

So to sum it up, it's feast or famine here, with zero predictability as to what you'll find. But if you do stop by, I really do appreciate it.

BREAKING NEWS

I emailed the RD for the American River 50 and asked if I could still do the training run. She emailed back that she'd just opened 9 more spots for the race, and if I got on it, I could register. So (deep breath) I'm signed up (and paying!) to run FIFTY MILES on April 4th! More to come...

Today's workout

30 minutes of garage play.
Ingredients:

25 pound kettlebell
40' AOS rope
Random set of 8 pound weights
Gymboss timer

Did 30s work/15s rest of whatever felt good. Movements included:

Farmer's walks (w/one kettlebell)
One-sided lunges (w/one kettlebell and bodyweight only)
Swings
Cleans
Figure 8 to holds
Pushups
One arm rows
Super long set of fast overhead press, lateral raises, rear delt flyes using 8 pound weights
And lots and lots of rope intervals

I feel quivery and spent!

P.S. I must've blocked out the jumping lunges and squat jumps, but those were part of the fun too!

Oops!

I just noticed that I posted my favorite salad dressing recipe -- TWICE! Can you tell I don't go back and read old blog posts? And that I've got quite a few "tracks" running in my mind at any given time???

Another oops -- guess I won't be doing the AR50, as the race is filled as of a week ago. Yep, 650 runners want to pay more than $100 for the pleasure of running 50 miles. I'm going to see if I can sign up for the 31 mile training run (there are aid stations!!!) anyway, and maybe target this race (and sign up early!) next year.

Health and Homemaking Hacks, and an update

There is a book I'd love to read that I don't own (shocking, I know!). It's called Lifehacker and it's subtitled "88 Tech Tricks to Turbocharge Your Day." The author defines life hacks as "clever shortcuts and lesser-known, faster ways to complete a task." So using this concept loosely, I thought I'd share a few of my health and homemaking hacks, or H-Hacks, perhaps.

To get consistent with vitamins and supplements: Buy a pill keeper. You know, one of those thingies with multiple compartments for the days' meds, that I used to think only old people used. About a month ago it occurred to me that what keeps me from consistency is convenience. I believe multivitamins and glucosamine would be good for me. I just don't do anything about it. Well, that's changed. I now load a week's worth of supplements (I take the aforementioned ones, plus maca root which is supposed to be good for muscle recovery) into the container -- it feels a little like dealing cards! -- and I'm good to go for the week!

To save money on hair and skin-care products: Drag out all the half filled bottles that you shelved when you found a newer option and use them up! I suppose I'm not as bad about this as some, but I have my share of last week's "miracle" for shiney hair, smooth skin, and the like. Today I ran out of shampoo, but not really. Although the bottle in the shower is empty, it has several half-filled cousins in the cabinet. And one of those bottles is not front and center in the shower!

To include a crazy amount of nutrition in every day with relative ease: Drink green smoothies! Google "green smoothie" and you'll find a million options for making them. Although they look like a drink for Shrek, I promise you can't taste the spinach (right Katie?). And they help to keep you insanely healthy.

Update

Diet Pepsi-free me! Yes, it's been over a week since I've had a Diet Pepsi or any other soda. Yeah, it's hard and I miss it. But hey, what do you expect when you're trying to break a habit that's been decades in the making, right? To anyone who wants to know how I'm doing it, I'd say two things. First, I've heard some pretty horrible stories (thanks Jennifer and Diana!) about problems friends have had from artifical sweetners. And secondly, it's like anything you're trying to change: it's one day at a time!

Cool video from Atom Ant: Atom send this link for a video about an amazing ultra runner. Thanks so much Atom!

Grocery bags seem to have generated a lot of conversation. To clarify, I ALWAYS have bags in my car, yet I forget to bring them in. And even if I remember (usually when I'm in the checkout line) I don't go to get them. Well, today I REMEMBERED!!! I guess the memory of carrying out an awkward armful of foodstuff yesterday was enough to remind me. UnRuly25 suggested carrying small bags, which is also a great idea, especially as I love large handbags to fitting a Chico Bag in wouldn't be a problem at all. And Matt you're right -- we are just beginning to get the hang of reusing bags here in the U.S. Better late than never, right? Right???!

If only I could create a Venn diagram...

... I'd diagram myself, hopelessly stuck at the intersection of hormones and Girl Scout Cookies!

Remembering your grocery bags

I own plenty of reusable grocery bags. I also have a cabinet full of paper and plastic bags from the store. And yet when I go shopping I never remember to bring them. Today I think I came upon a solution. Here it is:

I'm not accepting new bags at the grocery store.

Today I bought kalamata olives, celery, cabbage, garlic, carrots, and a cucumber. And I carried them out by hand. My younger son was with me and told me I'm insane. What-evah! I'm guessing after a few shopping trips like this, I'll start remembering!

Monday Meal Melange

It's raining. Hard. I'm listening to some new music (Eric Hutchinson "Ok, It's Alright by Me"), finishing up a salad, and happy to be warm and dry, as opposed to yesterday's 2+ hour run in the rain.

I've been cooking more recently. Cooking and I have a love/hate relationship with each other. The bottom line is that I believe it's best for me to cook for myself and my family, but that's been hard to do consistently. The good news is that I keep trying. So yesterday and last Sunday, I decided to spend a few hours in the kitchen, prepping stuff for the week. Here's what I made:

• Better Salad (like tuna salad, but with chopped chickpeas instead of tuna)
• Hummus
• Oatmeal Raisin cookies (new recipe -- cookies spread into a gooey layer in the pan, so I cooked them a little more, then crumbled the cooked result as an indulgent granola-ey sort of mix. Tim and Austin both love it!)
• Rainbow peppers (well, I didn't "make" them but I chopped them and put them in the fridge

My hope is that by having some healthy basics around, it will be easier to eat better. Oh, I also made a salad dressing that has become my new favorite. I'm pretty sure I'd eat cardboard if it were drizzled with this:

Honey-Tahini Dressing
from March/April 2009 Cooking Well

1/2 cup lemon juice (fresh is best, of course!)
1/3 cup olive oil
1/3 cup tahini
2 tablespoons honey (I use agave nectar)
2 cloves minced garlic
1 teaspoon salt

Blend in food processor or shake in jar with tight fitting lid. Enjoy!

NOTE: I JUST REALIZED THAT I POSTED THIS RECIPE A FEW DAYS AGO! OOPS!

So today's salad with mixed lettuces, shredded coleslaw, avocado, and that dressing. My friend Tracy Reifkind talked on her blog about using cabbage in salad, almost a year ago. Guess I'm a little slow on the uptake, but hey, I'm doing it! I like the cabbage because it adds the crunch of iceberg lettuce (but has vitamins unlike iceberg) and it's filling.

So what's for dinner tonight? I've got chili (beef, black beans, white beans) in the crock pot, and I'll be making cornbread and coleslaw when I'm done writing here. Remember the Daily Docket thing I was using? Well, I've refined that and created my own. So yeah, dinner's simmering (I'm inordinantely proud of that!) and that's a very good thing!

Rainy run

My house is warm and dry. And I'm about to go out and run 13 miles in the rain. Does this appeal to me? Heck no! I'd rather stay cozy and dry. Why am I telling you this? Because I'm setting myself up to succeed. Tim knows I'm running this morning. Now you know. And I really am big on doing what I say I'm going to do. So here I go...

Like a ninja

Shhhhh. Don't tell, ok? But I'm a mom ninja. Honest. What makes me a mom ninja? I've found the perfect way to keep tabs on my kids without them knowing. How, you ask? By bringing them and their friends food!

For example, today both kids were at a park with their different groups of friends. And I just want to make sure all is well, you know? So I texted both of them and asked how many friends they were with. 10 minutes later I showed up with Taco Bell for everyone. It cost me $10. But I created goodwill with their friends, and I get to keep tabs on my precious boys without them feeling checked up on.

The other day it was Hostess Cupcakes. (Yeah, the vegan stuff doesn't go over good at all, sadly.) Next week it will be something else indulgent and oh so appreciated.

Changing Habits

Is is possible to change. Truly it is. I bear little resemblance to the drunk-every-single-day girl I was in my early 20s, and I believe for all of us who are truly living, a similar transformation has occurred over the years as well.

This week I've been attempting to change some habits, and though change is possible, it's anything but easy! I came back from Hawaii with a list, created on the airplane, of things I wanted to do. It was a very long list, but thankfully I'm grown-up enough to recognize (finally!) that this entire list probably won't happen in one short week. So I knew that picking one or two items would be a much better idea, with a greater likelihood of success, than bolding and underlining every single thing.

So I've had no Diet Pepsi this week, and I'm starting to drink green tea. These choices may not sound like much, but they are surprisingly difficult for this girl! I've been drinking Diet Pepsi in some quantity or other for over 30 years. No, I don't drink a six-pack a day, but I was a "3 Pepsi a day" girl when Tim and I met, and probably have averaged at least one soda per day since then. My justifications have been many: it doesn't have calories, it fills me up, I have to have at least ONE vice (oh the ignorance in THAT one!). And while those are all true, it feels like it's time to let go of this habit. Do I miss it? Heck yeah! But I haven't had a soda all week!

In conjunction with this change, I'm also starting to drink green tea. I don't like tea. I don't detest it either, but it just doesn't taste good to me. And yet I like the idea of tea -- it seems sophisticated and calming and very very cool somehow. And the health benefits are numerous and growing. So I've had a cup of green tea nearly every day this week. And I'm noticing that while I wouldn't say I like it yet, I'm starting to get used to it. Looks like familiarity breeds, not contempt, but maybe benign tolerance?

Oh, and speaking of tea, I'm not putting anything in it, as I've also decided to stay away from Splenda. Time to go polish my halo now. ;)

Despondex

So much to, but no time to...

Crazy busy life has kept me from writing, but I have a whole list of things that I want to talk about. Perhaps over the weekend???

In the meantime, I came across this amazing quote on Fitness Chick:

Self Discipline is when you tell yourself to do something and you don’t talk back.

Melange

I SO appreciate the comments from my last post -- smart, insightful people read what I write, that's for sure! More thoughts on the comments later this week.

For now, it's time for a brain dump (or "melange" which is French for "mixture" and sounds way classier, somehow, than "brain dump!").

• I'm trying to decide if I'm running the AR50 in April. Yep, it's a 50 mile race. I'm so back and forth on it. The pros are that I'm probably close to being in shape to run it. Also I'd love to try a 50. And the timing of it is good. The cons? It's FIFTY MILES of running!!! There's a 31 mile training run with aid stations (how great is THAT?) two weeks before the race, and I'd love to just try that and then decide. But the entry deadline for the race is before that, and as this race is somewhat pricey (about $100) I only want to sign up if I'm sure I'm doing it. Stay tuned for details...

• This month's Eating Well magazine (April 2009) has a salad dressing recipe that I LOVE! It's on page 66 for those who get the magazine. For those who don't, here's the recipe:

Honey-Tahini Dressing

1/2 cup lemon juice
1/3 cup extra-virgin olive oil
1/3 cup tahini
2 tablespoons honey
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 teaspoon salt

• After eating veg in Hawaii (which meant eating lots of great tofu) I may be ready to try some new ways to prepare tofu at home, rather than just ordering it when someone else fixes it. On today's menu is soy-lime roasted tofu (recipe from same issue of Eating Well). I'll let y'all know how it is.
• To plan my days, I've been using a daily docket from simplemom.net. I'm using the mini version (I'll find the link and post it later). What I love about this is that it's flexible enough to work for my life, it has a space to plan what's for dinner (the saga continues, but it's getting better, little by little) and it's cute (which is important to me!).

That's it for now. Time to marinate the tofu, and then I'm off on a 7-mile run. As I have lots of new episodes of podcasts to listen to, I can't wait!

Fighting against -- me?

While on the plane, I had a chance to write down some ideas of how I'd like to change my diet and my training. And while nothing's set in stone, I already can feel resistance inside. So I think maybe my head needs a reality check. Because why would I resist doing things that move me towards what I want?

So as I'm considering a more structured approach to food (one that includes more whole foods and fewer processed vegan convenience stuff) and the addition of some good stuff (green tea) and reduction of some bad stuff (caffeine, refined sugar) I really need to take a look at approaching this with some maturity. Because once again, that little girl inside is threatening a temper tantrum (screaming something like, "I WANT IT BECAUSE I WANT IT!!!" over and over) at the very IDEA of limits or boundaries or structure.

Perhaps my focus needs to be on the end result I'm hoping for, rather than on the specifics of getting there. Really what I want is a healthful, sane, liveable approach to food and fitness. What I'm doing now is not bad -- not at all! But I really do feel like it's time to take it to the next level. And most of me is ready, with the exception of that tantrum-throwing little one who is part of the package that is me.

So if I focus on the end result, AND reassure the little one that she will get treats from time to time and no, we won't forget her, then maybe I can have some success with whatever kind of structure I decide to create.

Back to post-vacation laundry. I ran 10 miles today. Running in Maui is funner (which SHOULD be a word, even though it's not) than running in suburbia. :)